Since it's been so long since we've had a proper show, Miller and I (sorry, Fic is at WWDC) thought we should make up for it with not only a new show tomorrow afternoon, but a LIVE DRUNKCAZT tomorrow night.

The DRUNKCAZT will be tomorrow night (6-13) from 6-9PM central US time (though this could change - keep an eye on the posts below).

You can find all the information about listening live at http://www.bestdamnpodcastever.com/live

We'll also be fielding any questions or comments you guys have in the forums, so put your heat up.

THE SHOW WILL BE THIS FRIDAY, JULY FRIDAY THE 13th AT 6-9PM CENTRAL

Listen to the show as it's recorded Live! In addition, you can participate in our Live! chat by joining the room "bdpelive" (no quotes) on any AOL Instant Messenger program. Also, if you've got something to say, you can call in by dialing 845-BATTLE-9 on any phone, or contact our Skype name "bestdamnpodcastever" (no quotes).

Just click the "LISTEN LIVE!" button on the right to download the streaming file (lisen.pls), and double-click to open in iTunes (or other audio app) and listen in Live!

Let us know what you think, and get your heat in ASAP.

This is the BDPE Filler Show, designed to keep you semi-entertained during the long waits for actually good shows. The less-than-stellar hosts are Lucas (editor of the BDPE), Mic (BATTLE failure veteran), and Ryan (totally unconnected to the BDPE).

In this week's episode, we discuss whatever the hell we can think of to fill time. And I bet you it'll be the same in next week's episode.

Send us hate mail at filler@bestdamnpodcastever.com or call our listener line at oh wait we don't have one.

And don't let us change your minds about voting for the BDPE on Podcast Alley. The real show is actually good, don't worry.

By Staff Writer Matt K

Tron

Starring
Jeff Bridges
Bruce Boxleitner
David Warner
Cindy Morgan

Directed by
Steven Lisberger

Game Designer and Hacker Kevin Flynn (Bridges) is trying to gather evidence that his games were stolen by evil ENCOM CEO Ed Dillinger (Warner). His hack skills are so good, he uses game designs to try and hack into the Master Control Program (MCP), a Skynet-like supercomputer with eventual world domination plans, but is thwarted by his swiped game designs. Aided by his former co-workers, Alan Bradley (Boxleitner) and Lora (Morgan), he sneaks into ENCOM to continue his English-based hacking, only to be zapped into the mainframe by a laser-digitizing device controlled by the MCP (I dub this the CPUniverse). Within the CPUniverse, Flynn must use his superior ja alai, Frisbee, and light bike skills, along with a security program named Tron (conveniently resembling Bradley), to take down the MCP and his command program Sark and retrieve the evidence he’s been looking for.

By 1982, American video games had grown into a capable industry (even though it was on the verge of collapsing) and their relationship with movies thus far had been one-way, with average to crap games based on movies appearing on the consoles, most notably Atari 2600. Tron is the first movie to feature video games as critical to the plot. Obviously, at the time it was wise for Disney to create an original property rather than try to license and translate a game to the big screen. None of the games at the time were famous for their storylines, unless you count the games based on movies, and before you think “surely they wouldn’t recycle an IP licensed for another medium back into the original medium,” remember that there later was Street Fighter: The Movie: The Game! As well as telling an original story, creating a new IP allowed for the games viewed in the movie to be brought out as their own video game titles, complete with incredible hype from the fantastic visuals.

Tron is a landmark film as it’s the first major motion picture to incorporate extensive computer-generated images for the background of the computer world, the vehicle sequences, and the MCP. Backgrounds involving human actors were created using traditional methods of rotoscoping and backlighting. While some people may consider it gimmicky, it opened the floodgates for CGI research into major motion pictures. Also, the “gimmick” actually gives Tron an aesthetically pleasing look that reflects the decade in which it is set, though doesn’t completely shackle it to its date (outside of the CPUniverse, however, it’s 100% 1980’s and will never be mistaken otherwise).

While the technological setting hold up, the story fails a bit, mainly because outside the action elements, the film is quite boring. At its heart, Tron is nothing more than a fantasy epic with an evil overlord needing to be brought down by an outnumbered but incredibly capable rebel force, thus freeing the land for goodness. Tron even has to receive the ultimate weapon by the “users” before he can hope to defeat the “Evil Emperor” and his digital “Darth Vader.” Also, Flynn is brought to a fantastic world where people who resemble people in the real world was already done in The Wizard of OZ. The device used to transport our ordinary, modern-day protagonist to this fantasy realm is a technological replacement for Dorothy’s flying house. Even the MCP is a cybernetic wizard, albeit evil. Once Tron, Flynn, and Ram break through the confines of the light cycle arena, the film loses the adrenaline rush that it had. As a result, the story elements of the film are rehashed elements of better films, though integrating them into the frame of a computer universe is quite well done.

As with any film involving technology, certain elements are quite dated. Not the actual CPUniverse, that is still quite impressive, even more so when considering the machines available to the film programmers at the time. I’m talking about the archaic games and the notion that people love to come to arcades to watch one gamer conquer a game. In fact, when Flynn is playing Space Paranoids in front of a cheering crowd, he destroys two Paranoids, the second one being simply a repeat of the previous sequence, only much harder because it seems to take him more time to aim, a task supposedly deemed impossible by his adoring fans by the amount of cheers he receives for completing it. Add to the fact that he is the original designer of the game; it’s perplexing that anyone would find this such a great feat. It’d be like Shigeru Miyamoto finding the Warp Whistle in Super Mario Bros 3, stage 1-3, and expecting everyone to claim that he is the greatest gamer ever for discovering his own secret.

Also, the “hacking” elements are a bit confusing. Obviously, when marketing such a high-brow concept as hacking to a general audience, you have to eliminate the jargon and tediousness involved in actual hacking; what results is our first (and certainly not last) instance of the programming using plain English to perform complex hacking/programming tasks, fooling the general audience into believing that all it takes to become an accomplished hacker is a keyboard, monitor, and grasp of the English language. Thus, a time-consuming, trial-and-error process is as simple as ordering from a drive-thru.

Finally, when depicting what actually goes on within the CPUniverse when you type Hack Computer, the film depicts games being played. I’m not sure if this is part of the program that Flynn and the MCP have programmed into their hacking/security databases, or if we are to believe that whenever we run Norton Antivirus, our computers are playing a round of Missile Command against oncoming viruses. Also, are the arcade games hooked-up to the MCP via some undisclosed network connection and comprised of the programs hijacked by the MCP? Makes me wonder if every time I inserted a quarter into Street Fighter II, a hacked version of Quicken as Ryu is duking it out with the AIM logo as Sagat, and that if I used a powerful enough combo, I could break directly into Capcom’s database?

Still, the acting is good. It’s easy to tell Jeff Bridges’s Flynn, the actual human transported into the CPUniverse, from the rest of the programs, since they act in such a non-emotional manner. However, I question whether Tron and Sark were transported out of the CPUniverse and into the real world, since their human counterparts, Bradley and Dillinger, seem equally devoid of emotion. With Boxleitner’s thick glasses, you’d believe that he’s a computer nerd, though it’s much harder to grasp him hooking up with Morgan’s Lora. Also hard to grasp is Flynn, being an arcade owner and hacker, not being an unshaved lummox. But in all, the acting is on par with Star Wars, both being movies more concerned with the special effects than high-caliber acting.

Tron is an accomplished cult film that makes up for its average story with groundbreaking special effects. Several video games based on the light cycles, Frisbee, and Space Paranoids segments of the film were produced for arcades at the time, as well as video game sequels to the movie storyline in recent years. Fans of The Matrix will certainly see the inspiration from this film without the deep insight (or pompous philosophy of the sequels). It introduced CGI to an audience on the verge of accepting home computers into their homes, opening the floodgates to extensive and crappy CGI in many movies that should have known better. Also, those of us that were around when the film originally came out have a chance for some good, if rose-colored, nostalgia.. Most important to this article, Tron serves as a great introduction to video games as a major element into the film. Though it wasn’t a translation of an existing popular game into a film, it did allow video games to gain mass media attention. Gamers dreaming of their favorite games being translated directly to screen would have to wait about a decade for their dreams to be shattered.

Gamer Culture Exposed: This movie deals quite well with video gamers, not making them out to be anarchists (Flynn is in the right as his games were stolen by Dillinger) or unsociable slobs. However, I may have been too young for the trend where people come to an arcade to watch someone else make a high score. If anything, I'd have my quarter slapped up there to beat it, but these guys seem to have nothing better to do than watch someone play the games. Also, this was during the Golden Age of the Arcade when the home console market was crashing and games were far superior at the arcade than at home. This, of course, came to an end with the release of the Dreamcast version of Soul Calibur.

Availability: Tron enjoyed a revival during the dawn of the new millenium, especially with its spiritual successor The Matrix garnering attention and popularity. Various versions of the DVD are available in stores and on Amazon.

Formula: As mentioned above, Tron is not exactly original plot-wise, and we’ll see that no video game movies are. Therefore, I shall provide an easy-to-follow flow chart that will help you determine what kind of movie you’re getting, thus illuminating possible alternatives if you’re trying to find a similar flick without the video game trappings.

By Staff Writer Matt K
Original Pic by Shawn B

I’m going to try and address a very controversial topic. Some people may find it inappropriate and offensive. Does that mean I should stop writing now? Well, how can you be offended if I don’t complete the article? Surely you’ll need the complete context of my writing and my intention for writing if you’re going to deem it offensive. Such is the case for Resident Evil 5. Sure, the series is no stranger to controversy, what with its explicit violence and gore. A new controversy came about during E3 2007, where a video depicted series mainstay Chris Redfield battling savage villagers. A blogger caught sight of this trailer and vented her offense, deeming the images in the trailer to be racist. Naturally, many people reacted in a rather knee-jerk fashion, spewing racial and sexist slurs towards the blogger, essentially validating the blogger’s opinion that video games can make people racist.

People like to abuse the anonymity of the Internet. Bloggers will pick any topic of interest and write about it, saying anything they want with a false sense of authority in a desire to be heard and validated. They take offense when people read their blogs and react against them, often with a similar sense of false authority. Each blogger and commentator thinks they are right and believe that they can convince others to affirm and conform to their views but will not seek to change their own views at any counter argument. By no means were the slanderous remarks about the blogger's race or gender called for. Such slander served no purpose but to support the blogger's claim. On the other hand, the blogger failed to approach the subject in a wise manner. With such claims as “Start them young… fearing, hating, and destroying black people,” she was inadvertently implying that video game players are racist. In reality, such a claim makes her racist, and a poor writer. She’s made broad generalizations about a game, and the gamers who will play it.

She mentions “the fact that this video game is marketed to children and young adults.” The Resident Evil series has never been marketed to children. All American releases since the very first game have garnered an ‘M’ rating due to violence and gore, and each game’s title sequence is preceded by the warning “This game contains scenes of explicit violence and gore.” Any parent who has blindly bought these games for their children have more problems to deal with than just racism. Parents are provided with sufficient warning of the explicit content in a game via the box warnings and the Internet. If a parent allows their child to play the game, it’s up to them to let them know that the entire game is fiction and that no racial influence is developed from the experience. If the parents are racist, then honestly the game is not going to make a difference one way or another because the child is already exposed to the racism. As for young adults or adults in general, it’s up to them to determine their own feelings and outlook on races, and this has most likely been cultivated long before they are exposed to other material. I looked at the trailer myself before hearing of this blog and I did not find myself overcome with the urge to grab a white hood and lynching ropes. Racial feelings did not rise up in me when I saw the enemies. I’m an adult and my feelings about people of different races are pretty much set, and those were from my real life interactions with them. Also, I’m mature enough to know that experiences with a finite number of people from a race do not necessarily dictate the entire race from acting in such a way. Resident Evil 5 or any other game does not determine that.

Another problem is that many of these accusations of racism are based on a trailer. The blogger herself says “The new Resident Evil 5 video game depicts a white man in what appears to be Africa killing black people.” First, it’s the trailer, not the game. You can’t declare an entire game, or for that matter its makers and fans of the game/series, racist if the entire context of the game has not been released. Such an assumption is just as racist as judging an entire race based on a few people. Also, I feel I can safely assume that the blogger has not followed the series. The “white man,” revealed to be Chris Redfield, has battled against the Umbrella Corporation, the company responsible for the outbreaks of zombie and parasitic infestation throughout the entire series. The spoken line of dialogue, “I have a job to do, and I’m going to see it through,” is inferred by the blog to imply Chris’s desire to attack the black villagers. Now, having not played the game myself, I cannot say this for certain, but having played the previous games, I safely infer that this is targeted towards Umbrella Corp. At any rate, the dialogue and actions of Chris cannot be properly interpreted until the full context of the game has been revealed.

In regards to context, it’s not been explicitly revealed where the game is taking place, but if the story is set in a locale indigenous to black people, would people be offended if black people were completely omitted, most likely interpreting that black people aren’t worthy of being in a video game? Would people be offended if the main character was black, believing this glorifies black-on-black violence? Where was this blogger’s outrage when the previous installment featured Spanish villagers as similarly savage? Where was the outrage of racism when all previous zombies, with the exception in Resident Evil 2 of Officer Marvin Branagh, were all white? The blogger has not addressed these issues because they never were issues. In the context of the game, the things being “killed” were dead to begin with, and it was a matter of survival for the main characters. There’s no hidden meaning to the undead nor to their elimination. To paraphrase Freud, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, but what we interpret the cigar to mean determines what we believe is there.

Will canceling Resident Evil 5 teach everyone that racism is wrong and people everywhere will join together in peace and harmony? I can safely say it will not. The problems of racism exist not in games, but within people. Games, like novels and movies, address issues; they don’t cause or solve issues. The best we can do is educate ourselves and deal with issues of racism and other negative vices not within the games, which are just interactive fiction, but within ourselves and our society. People make games, games do not make people.

By Staff Writer Matt K
Art by Shawn B

NAME: Link (surname unknown)

KNOWN ALIASES: Hero of Legends, Hero of Time, Hero of Winds, Legolas, Prissy Boy in Green Tights

AGE: 21 (real-life, in-game age unknown/varies)

LOCATION: Land of Hyrule

EVIDENCE: The Legend of Zelda series, Link: The Faces of Evil, Zelda: The Wand of Gameleon, Zelda’s Adventure.

PROFILE: Another long-time Nintendo associate, suspect has been theorized to be involved in many epic adventures involving the discovery of the Triforce, a legendary power source believed to be connected to Hyrule’s creation. In the course of recovering the Triforce, suspect has come into conflict with notorious villain Ganon and rescued Hyrulian matriarch in training, Princess Zelda. Suspect is a master swordsman, munitions and weapons expert, oftentimes able to combine weapons in unorthodox ways with devastating results. Also suspected to use enchanted items and special powers. Suspect is megalomaniacal, believes his actions are foretold in various prophecies and are justified. Perpetuation of the prophecies and various legends by local townsfolk only fuel his delusion.

CRIMES/DEVIANT BEHAVIOR:

• Organ Harvesting – Suspect believed to be responsible for an innumerable amount of murders, many of which involve him stealing the victims’ hearts. However, this is based on eye-witness testimony, as the suspect detonates the victims’ bodies, supposedly to hide the evidence. Suspect is rumored to use the hearts to “extend his life and rejuvenate,” suspected involvement in a cult known for ritualistic sacrifice.
• Kidnapping/Cruelty to Faeries – Suspect believed to be involved in a string of kidnappings involving faeries. He is known to imprison the faeries in jars corked without air holes. Suspect believed to used faeries as a means of rejuvenation, the fate of the faeries he has “used” is unknown.
• Political Assassination – Suspect has been involved in numerous plots to murder Ganondorf, known consul ant to the Hyrulian king. While Ganondorf is suspected of being the known criminal Ganon, such evidence is believed only by our suspect. Also, despite supposedly successful assassinations, Ganondorf and Ganon continue to return. Investigation is currently underway to confirm or deny the identity of the numerous people going by the name “Ganondorf” or “Ganon.”
• Possession of Concealed Weapons – Suspect has managed to acquire numerous weapons of various types, despite only appearing to have a few pockets and pouches. Also, suspect’s primary weapon, a sword believed to be a legendary artifact, is capable of firing a type of energy projectile with lethal force, making the suspect incredibly dangerous.
• Thievery – Suspect has commit several acts of burglary, mugging (almost always with fatal results), looting, and various other forms of felony-level thievery.
• Trespassing, Breaking and Entering – In relation to thievery, suspect has broken into several domiciles, including the Castle Hyrule, and ancient ruins and temples, despite several guards and traps designed to keep out trespassers.
• Grave Desecration – In relation to thievery and organ harvesting, suspect has desecrated numerous graves and tombs, taking riches, hearts, and other unmentionable items. Bodies once buried have been found out of the grave, violated with weapon marks. Suspect believed to be involved in necromancy and possible necrophilia tendencies.
• Impersonating a Handicap/Mentally Challenged Person - Only chronicled on three occasions, suspect has been shown to move in an unusual manner, manipulating his face to appear as if he is mentally challenged. This is believed to be done to throw off authorities.
• Endangerment of Royalty - In relation to above, suspect perpetuated the ruse of being mentally challenged so far that he allowed himself to be detained on two occasions, warranting the endangerment of the Hyrulian Princess, Zelda, in order to rescue/restore him.
• Poaching and Animal Cruelty – Suspect has aided in the hunting and poaching of local flora and fauna, many of which are rare and endangered. He has been known to trade poach animals for recognition, riches, and general acts of cruelty.
• Poultry Assault and Theft – Suspect has on several occasions been involved in numerous assaults of local poultry. Often, however, these assaults result in the livestock assaulting the suspect, who often runs away before any livestock is killed. Suspect also believed involved in stealing chickens and, through various eye-witnesses, “taken in for a ride.” Bestiality is not ruled out.

By Staff Writer Matt K.

Jack Thompson isn’t real. I don’t mean he doesn’t exist. I’ve never seen him in person to verify his existence, but unless technology has reached the level of the movie S1m0ne and all who supposedly been in person with him are good actors, I’m sure he exists. I’m also willing to believe that the biological, statistical, and unbiased verifiable facts about his personal and professional life are, for the most part, accurate. What isn’t real, however, is “Jack Thompson.” The boisterous, belligerent hate/fear monger who decries the video game industry and video game playing community, all under the name “Jack Thompson, isn’t real.

It’s all an act. An elaborate ruse designed to rise above all the monotonous detritus of activists who believe that their opinions are infallible and should be lifted up above all others. There are innumerable protest organizations, politicians taking a stand against “morally objectionable” topics, and legal counsel trying to implement their interpretations of the law that an ordinary lawyer from Florida just wouldn’t stand out in the quagmire. In order to be noticed, he has to be outrageous. I’m sure plenty of people have applied, and been rejected, for assistant State Attorney under Janet Reno, but who ran against her as prosecutor, tried to get her to claim to be a homosexual or advocate “homosexual agendas,” and then tried to sue her because she put her hand on his shoulder and shook him slightly? There are countless protestors against music with explicit lyrics, but who compared himself to Batman by declaring a crusade against artists such as NWA and 2 Live Crew and advised others to distance themselves from such groups and people, subtly threatening to wreck the reputation of anyone who didn’t heed his “suggestions?” Plenty of politicians seek to bring the adult content of video games to light, but who takes it to the extreme by personally attacking game makers, advocates, and players, attacking the ratings system designed to inform people of the content, and making hysterical and often hypocritical statements that have long been tracked in the news and in writing? All this Jack Thompson has done while maintaining that his cause is righteous, taking any opportunity to make himself seen and heard, yet he is unwilling to accept any consequences for making himself such a public figure, bringing lawsuits and cease and desist notices against anyone who, at best, makes comments against him or, at worst, parody and mock him. This is all an act.

Anyone in touch with the comedy scene of the 1970’s and early 1980’s or has seen the Jim Carrey movie Man on the Moon know of Andy Kaufman. He was an unconventional comedian who bucked the comedic conventions. Instead of simply telling jokes for punch-line effect, Kaufman sought to fool the audience by pretending to be anything but funny. He would pretend to be serious and controversial, creating an act that was designed to go on for the longest time without apparent comedic effect, much to the chagrin of the audience. However, at the last minute, Kaufman would give an incredible feat of humor or impersonation, that would win over the audience members, who had by this time realized they had been fooled. Kaufman would take his act one step further by staying “in character” in public; he would act eccentric and against convention to all but his family and closest friends. No one could ever take Kaufman seriously; some even believed that his death from a rare form of lung cancer in 1983 was the ultimate prank and expected him to reappear, alive and well, some 20 years later. To Kaufman, there was no limit to how far he was willing to go in order to put one over on the audience.

So is “Jack Thompson” nothing but a Kaufman-esque act designed to get a rise out of as many people as possible? If so, one would have to wonder to what purpose the prank serves. Jack Thompson has stated that stores should be responsible and not sell products marked as unsuitable to anyone under the proper age limit, but instead of concentrating on such outlets that fail to enforce the limit, he vehemently targets the developers and publishers, claiming that there is a moral aptitude that must be maintained, especially when it comes to objects that can fall in the hands of children. He claims to be a crusader. However, as much as Jack purports to serve the moral good by bringing to light the wickedness of the music and game industry, his constant decrying of the controversial products only serve to promote said products, especially to the underage games he claims to want to protect. To the game industry, he is the ultimate advertising. He is constantly bringing the developers to task for their creations, allying himself on the side of the legal and moral right. However, his antics often distance him from others in the legal profession, especially judges he lambastes who don’t rule in his favor and the like-minded organizations who disassociate from him when his outrageous comments and questionable tactics are scrutinized.

He has been found certifiably sane by several review boards, but madness can be described as the repetition of actions that lead to a set result with the belief that a different result will occur. Perhaps he enjoys the attention he gets, both good and bad, from all sides. Perhaps there’s a hidden agenda or purpose he intends to reveal at a later date. Perhaps it isn’t an act and everything he says and does can be taken at face value. No one but the real Jack Thompson can say, but who knows who that is? All we know is an eccentric lawyer who uses unorthodox and often counterproductive means to get attention, and as long as we validate his antics and react in knee-jerk fashion, he’ll continue to perform this act for us.

The best we can do is rise above the cycle. Ignore the act, place him back into the sea of faceless lawmakers and politicians seeking to make a name for themselves by spewing out skewed information and meaningless claptrap against anything that will get them attention. Don’t validate his act. Seek to make the gaming industry better, and let the clowns starving for your attention move on to some other circus. There was only one Andy Kaufman, and anyone else is a sad imitation.

By Staff Writer Matt K.

NAME: Mario (surname unknown; allegedly Mario)

KNOWN ALIASES: Super Mario, Dr. Mario, Jumpman, Big Poppa ‘Shroom

AGE: 26 (real world)

LOCATION: Brooklyn, New York (birth), Mushroom Kingdom (current)

EVIDENCE: Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong Jr., Mario Bros., Super Mario Series, Dr. Mario, Mario Kart series, Mario Party series.

PROFILE: Long time mascot of Nintendo, suspect’s primary claim to fame is the protagonist of several adventure games involving the rescue of a kidnapped princess from a rival monarch, despite primary occupation being a plumber. Suspect has many guises, all of which have nothing to do with plumbing. Is often accompanied by lesser known brother, Luigi. Suspect revealed he was kidnapped as an infant, which may explain deviant behavior.

CRIMES/DEVIANT BEHAVIOR
Drug Usage – Suspect has been known to consume various controlled substances, believing such give him “super powers.” Per suspect’s testimony, such substances include a mushroom allow him to grow larger (suspected Viagra abuse), a flower of unknown species which allows him to control flames (suspected opium abuse) , a star which gives him a sense of invincibility (suspected cocaine/heroin combination abuse), and different type of mushroom giving him “another life” (substance abuse unknown). Current intelligence shows suspect plans on infiltrating the 2008 Summer Olympics and will most likely consume steroids, speed, and PCP to compete with stronger, faster, and more resilient competitors.

Possession of Controlled Substance with Intent to Distribute – Suspect has been reported to hold various themed “parties” with intent of distributed previously listed controlled substances are distributed amongst the “players” for imbibing. Players then attack each other with intent to achieve various specified goals. So far, only eight of these parties have been confirmed (another party suspected to be “on the go”).

Driving Under the Influence – Suspect has competed in various racing competitions while under the influence of various controlled substances.

Animal Cruelty – Suspect has committed various acts of cruelty towards animals of various species. Acts of cruelty range from imprisonment, submission, and execution, all done without remorse. Methods include crushing underfoot, incineration, munitions, and battery with various objects, including bodies of other victims.

Practicing Medicine without A License – Outside of usage of controlled substance chronicled above, suspect has posed as a medical doctor, prescribing medicine to people with various ailments. Medical professionals have advised that suspect prescribes such a high amount of medicine, many of which do not combat the viruses, that anyone taking the prescription would expire from overdose.

Falsifying Identity – Suspect’s listed profession is plumber, yet despite an affluence of sewer and pipe work, suspect has shown no plumbing work experience. Suspect has also posed as various professions, among which include doctor, archaeologist, animal hunter, boxing official, tennis referee, professional golfer, dancer, typing teacher, artist, and construction worker.

Property Damage – Suspect has used unorthodox methods, primarily jumping and punching, to destroy various brick structures, many under construction and incomplete.

Conspiracy to Commit Kidnapping – Although not convicted, it has recently come to light that suspect may conspire with known criminal Bowser Koopa in various kidnappings, all of which have been the same victim, Princess Peach Toadstool. Suspect then “rescues” victim in an attempt to garner fame and fortune. Investigation currently underway.

CURRENT ACTIVITY: Suspect is currently organizing an underground fighting tournament known as “Smash Bros.” Suspect should be considered armed and incredibly dangerous. Avoid if around open flame, while riding a green dragon-like creature, or is at a higher level.

Submitted by listener Matt K.

With all the controversy over games such as Manhunt 2, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, and various other M rated games, I would like to propose a concept for a game that is absolutely critic proof. This game will have large amounts of violent, sexual, and other objectionable content and will be marketed to everyone. While developing this game would be most advantageous to Rockstar/Take Two, I send this concept out to anyone for consideration.

Now first, I must confess that this is not my original creation as I’m adapting the concept from another source (but don’t worry, the copyright has long expired). The game would span years, decades, even centuries and millenniums and will have a large cast of playable characters. Each character will have various strength and weaknesses, but unlike most games, with the exception of two playable characters, you will only get one life per character to complete each story/mission. Difficulty is so high you will surely have to rely on the God Mode to complete the game. Gameplay will be a sandbox of various types, including Action-Adventure with RPG-like character status assigning and changing, Real-Time War Strategy, Stealth, Life and City Simulation, and even animal-raising, with random mini-games thrown in, however, don’t think you’ll be able to do whatever you want as each story is decidedly linear.

Violence: Up front, there is a lot of violence of various types. There are one-on-one battles, one-against-many battles, and battles between nations. There are some missions where you will have to decimate entire towns, including women and children. The various ways of death include, but are not limited to, stabbing, strangulation, burning, throwing into pits, torture, and even supernatural deaths. Some may say that the violence is over the top, but I guarantee you it is staying true to the source material.

Sexual content: Like any other game, this is where most of the hate for the game will most likely come up, but once again, I would like to remind readers and any potential protesters that all of this is being truthful to the source material. There is a good bit of nudity, especially at the beginning, and several scantily-clad characters appear throughout. Actual sexual intercourse occurs on-screen including consensual sex, non-consensual sex, incest, sex with minors, and sex between same-genders. Various dialogues describing various acts of sex will also be present.

Other objectionable content will include consumption of alcoholic beverages (including a mini-game where your character produces wine) and profanity (though not necessarily the same words we are used to, the intent will be the same). Religious overtones will permeate throughout the game. Also, the actions of the various characters can be interpreted differently by various people per their beliefs. Children will most likely want to emulate the above content after prolonged, unsupervised (or even supervised) game play.

With all that said, I feel that the usual game deriders will be hard pressed to bring objections to this game, because objecting to the game will mean objecting to the source material. Also, while the above description would normally rank an M or even an AO in any other game, this game deserves an E because the source material is marketed, even encouraged to be used by children of all ages. The name of this game?

“The Holy Bible”! BLAM!

Listener Jordan B. sent us an awesome photo of himself and everyone's favorite eight patty delight, the OCTOMAC.

Got any Octomac sightings photos yourself? Send em' in here and you might be on BDPE next time.

Submitted by listener Matt K.

The video game industry is like no other industry out there.

Where else do you get people who play and practice day after day at something that is ultimately inconsequential with the hopes that one day their talent will be recognized and sponsored in tournaments to prove that they are the best around, thereby earning money, fame, and respect of people who aren’t quite as good? Oh wait, that’s the Sports Industry!

Well, where else do you get people who worship something that they feel “changes their life,” and will tell to all who care to listen of the greatness of it and will flame and demonize anyone else who believes otherwise? Oh wait, that’s Religion!

Still, where else can you find a product that features characters and enemies of outlandish proportions, yet have much humanity, and chronicles their many adventures that can be bought on a regular basis, and the industry itself is often demonized by egotistical, opportunistic jerks posing as men of renown who think we should all do as they say and think these products are only for kids and should not be made? Oh wait, that’s the Comic Book Industry!

Alright then, where else can you find products that are hailed as great upon their initial release, only to be soon forgotten when sequels or similar items come out, only for those knock-offs to be forgotten and the originals be touted as groundbreaking long after their availability is gone and you have to basically spend money on something you’ve already bought before? Oh wait, that’s the Movie Industry!

Fine, last time, what other industry provides you with something that looks great, allows you to be by yourself and play with yourself for hours and go online to find a large market of people who like to do the exact same thing? Oh wait, that’s the Porn Industry!

Oh well, at least no other industry has something like Best Damn Podcast Ever, a show that features three charismatic yet socially stunted men whose lexicon has entered the public conscious and are considered the end all be all for all things humorous and are shunned by their peers. Unless you count Howard Stern.

Achievement Unlocked. If you own an Xbox 360, you have no doubt seen these words. Seemingly innocent and designed as simply a ploy to keep gamers playing games (instead of watching Movies, socializing with friends or having lives). But despite Microsoft’s intentions, achievements have created a new form of entertainment, social status, marketing and a quantitative measure to a qualitative problem.

To dig into this, I’ll first turn the system on myself.

This represents me. Not just an aging snapshot, but also a live updating representation of me. Lets dissect it a bit. First the name, what I have chosen to call myself. Entire books are written on this, and it’s nothing new, so we will gloss over it. Next we have my Rep, it’s a player review representation of me. How well do I play with others? It also stems into what kind of a gamer I am. Look around your friends list; chances are you have people all over the place in rep. Some of them might be jerks, but most likely the rep separates those who use games as simply entertainment and those who use games as a social vehicle for interaction. Talking online with a friend and playing the same game together can be nearly identical to spending face time with that person. Yet, despite it involving human interaction, you are very much alone.

There is debate as to the social aspect of “meeting online,” be it a game, myspace or some back ally on IRC. There have been several studies to link Internet social interaction and loneliness as well as several to link the exact opposite, citing a strengthening in long distance relationships. Ultimately the effects of this will not be known for some time, as it is still in its infancy.

Regardless you can determine from a glance at someone’s rep (to get back on task here) their degree of online socialization and thus the kind of gamer they are (solitary or social).

Now we have the “G” or Gamer Score. This is the most brilliant part of achievements. Microsoft took the very qualitative measure of “how good of a gamer are you” and turned it into a quantitative value. The more points the more skills you have. But it digs deeper than that. If you were to do a cross examination of points and achievements you could determine exactly what kind of gamer someone is, and what kind of games appeal to them. All this information has been put into the public by Microsoft; it’s easily readable off their database. In this information you can find exactly what you need to market to the right people.

Again lets take me. If you click to expand my gamer card, you will see all the achievements I have earned and those I have not. If you were to explore them, you will find I do not play Ranked Online games. I just don’t care about deathmatching. You can see I enjoy First Person Shooters, enough to attempt to finish them fully (except for FEAR). All of this information is better than any study on a market could hope to accomplish. I’m almost insulted to think that no company has attempted to exploit this information to market their products to me.

This gamer score also tells you how long, how often and how much I like to game. If an achievement requires someone to log 100+ hours into a game, it’s pretty obvious what their minimal game playtime is. It’s also pretty safe to assume that larger gamer score = more active gamer/longer member of Xbox Live. There’s a few ways to cheat, but that just reinforces the concept that the bigger your score, the better a gamer you are.

What does all of this mean to you? Believe it or not, but the Achievement Unlocked sound is the sound of potential $$$. It’s an old concept being executed on a global scale like never before. It’s also a very unoriginal company Microsoft paving the way for a new way Gamers interact with each other. Believe it, you will see the Achievement system continues to grow and expand. Playstation Home will incorporate Sony’s attempt at Achievements, and I expect Nintendo to make one of their own.

Who knows, in years to come, you may find people selling their Achievement Expertise online, willing to (for a fee) improve your gamer score (or whatever it is called) to advance you up the social ladder of the future.

The EDF or Earth Defense Force are an elite group of soilders who's one mission is to protect Planet Earth from the hords of evil in the universe.

Join us now citizen as we protect our planet from the Ravagers--a group of blood thirsty aliens.

Do you have the chops to make it? I think so, but watch this instructional video to make sure you got the mustard.

So go go go and buy this game. It's the best damn game you can find.

Here it is. The best, undisputed BEST DAMN GAME INTRO EVER. I'm talking about Activision's amazing 3D Mech-vehicle simulator.

Mechwarrior 2

For those of you out there who are too young to know of this game, forget anything you might know about Mechwarrior, especially "Mech Assault".

Mechwarrior 2 was a full on simulation. Every key on the keyboard did something. This was not run and gun, it was strategic. You build your Mech in the shop, adding parts and watching weight and heat* distribution. Then you follow a mission plan, using satellite uplink info and nav points. Then of course you discover how you can set your guns to group fire and unload your payload at once (but be ready to hit "O" to override the system shutdown due to over heating*). What does this game-play have to do with the movie? Simple--The short but gripping intro set the entire stage for what you would encounter. There has yet to be a more gripping and compelling video created.

Don't beleive me? Well you should! Lets take a look at why this intro rules supreme.

Mechs

Explosions

Gripping story

Amazing Music

Explosions

That's really all you need. Every single time I went to play this game, I had to watch the intro, it just gave me chills. It set the stage for a gripping bloody struggle, in Mechs.

*Note: Heat actually means thermodynamics in this case.

Now before you click on the Youtube link to play, I need to sadden you. Youtube cannot handle this video, that's how good it is. The audio is off on every upload I have tried. Thus, instead of watching the Youtube link below, I urge you to download the file here and watch it in it's glory.

So, think we are full of crap? Think our list is jank? Well let us know on the forums. Tell us what YOUR top 10 list is. You could just be right.

Number 2 - Ninja Gaiden 2
Number 3 - Full Throttle
Number 4 - Dawn of War
Number 5 - Out of this World
Number 6 - Devil May Cry 3
Number 7 - Final Fantasy VII / Carmageddon
Number 8 - Quake 2
Number 9 - Red Alert 2
Number 10 - Nightmare Creatures 2

We are back, after a nice little break to let everyone discuss the previous top 8 game intros. There's been some heated debate even some, dare I say it?, Nay Saying.

Our number 2, Best Damn Game Intro Ever is a NES classic. This intro is not only cinematic, but a technical masterpiece. I'm talking about Tecmo's

Ninja Gaiden 2

This intro uses some impressive parallax scrolling to achieve a look never really seen on a game system before. Sure it wasn't the first game to scroll. But the way they used it, the motion of the characters, the sky and clouds, it all comes together in a way that makes you say "A Nintendo can do that?"

Combine this with the both very movie like introduction of the main characters and the extensive dialogue (which you'll notice actually flows like it's being spoken) and you have an intro that wouldn't be matched for years.

Marvel in this greatness, and also pay respect to the music. This is devotion.

Closer and closer to #1. Dare I give a hint? Oh it's just too juicy, you'll have to wait!

Number 3 - Full Throttle
Number 4 - Dawn of War
Number 5 - Out of this World
Number 6 - Devil May Cry 3
Number 7 - Final Fantasy VII / Carmageddon
Number 8 - Quake 2
Number 9 - Red Alert 2
Number 10 - Nightmare Creatures 2

So I'm checking my Savannah College of Art and Design email the other day, and noticed that Apple will be conducting interviews for game design positions, including 3D animators and modelers to work at the Apple campus in Cupertino. Now, you don't really need a team of 3D artists to make iPod games. Could this mean Apple is working on first party game titles? Blake Buck says no. William Miller says yes.

Needless to say, I've dropped my resume bomb in that box upstairs. We'll see if anything happens. Stay tuned!

"Whenever I smell asphalt..." That's the opener, spoken in a low gruff voice. The kind of voice that says "I just got out of prison for stabbing a guy." It's a voice belonging to the leader of the Polecats. So, ranking in at Number 3, of the Best Damn Intros of all time...

Full Throttle

Lucas Arts and Tim Schafer at their finest. It's the story of Ben Throttle a biker gang leader in a future world were bikers are being phased out. The intro digs into the carefree nature of these bikers. Bonus points, as the game plays like an interactive cartoon, with voice talent and graphics to match. You have no soul if you don't just love every moment of this intro.

We are getting close to #1, just some parallax scrolling in between...

Number 4 - Dawn of War
Number 5 - Out of this World
Number 6 - Devil May Cry 3
Number 7 - Final Fantasy VII / Carmageddon
Number 8 - Quake 2
Number 9 - Red Alert 2
Number 10 - Nightmare Creatures 2

When it comes to game intros, there's one name that should be on everyone's mind: Blur.

Blur? Who are they? Blur is the finest CGI studio in existence, EVER! Well, they got together with THQ to do the intro of a damned fine game, you might know it as:

Dawn of War

Based on some Warhammer thing I don't care about, Dawn of War is a honest to god, faithful RTS that picks up where Star Craft left off. The game it's self is one of the finest ever crafted, but lets focus on the intro.

Right away, we have Guns with Chain-saws*

*Note from editor: I'm not making any Cliffy B or Gears jokes/references/call-em-outs.

Orks in space, mechs, and cigar smoking flame-thrower dudes. Add to this amazing CGI and and a gory epic blood soaked intro, and you have a damned fine cinematic. Really what can I type at this point? Just watch, enjoy, and watch again, then enjoy again.

It's only getting even more-betterest from here on out kids.

Next time, and the 3rd best game intro of all time, I smell asphalt.

Number 5 - Out of this World
Number 6 - Devil May Cry 3
Number 7 - Final Fantasy VII / Carmageddon
Number 8 - Quake 2
Number 9 - Red Alert 2
Number 10 - Nightmare Creatures 2

Science. It's the stuff games are made. Need some plot? How about Science? All too often some scientist dawns a power suit and saves the world. This time, lets let the scientist kick ass on his terms.

Out of this World

or

Another World

Same game, two names!

That's right Gordon Freeman doesn't have crap on Lester Knight Chaykin, action scientist.

So why is this game intro so rocking? First of all, it was done in engine, in 1991, and was a stunning use of vector animation. The facial expressions and movement were just top notch. Plus the art style is so beautiful. If you don't get chills from this, then you should check for a pulse. Seriously, this into sets the mood and pace for what is about to be a gripping adventure into an alternate reality. Now, enjoy some science:

Next time on BDPE, ORK ORK ORK ORK!

Number 6 - Devil May Cry 3
Number 7 - Final Fantasy VII / Carmageddon
Number 8 - Quake 2
Number 9 - Red Alert 2
Number 10 - Nightmare Creatures 2

The video I have for you all this week is not even game-related at all. It's an ad for a tax company that I saw on local TV in Oxford, MS called Mo' Money Taxes who apparently opperates in the south-eastern United States.

However, after seeing it, I immediately replayed it 5 times on my Tivo, laughing harder each time. The ad is some sort of half-baked Dukes of Hazzard parody, but is so completely ridiculous, it get's funnier every time you watch it.

Why is he eating chips? What is he saying? Why are there so many clock's in Boss' office set to different times? Why can't the cops keep their belts on? How can you say dipshit on television? Why does the video have crazy lines in it and alternate between black and white and full color? Why do they refer to the repair man as "Sugar Man", then a few seconds later in the same sentence call him "Dog Pound"? Why does the attractive lady make the cop drive off the road? Why are there so many boxes stacked up? What the hell is guy in the back of the car doing after they crash? What is this mytical 30 second deal?

I've seen this video at least 30 times, and I'm still finding stuff I love about it. Tell us what you think in our Mo' Money Forum Thread

This game into can't really be put into words. I can try, but nothing describes the pure perfection of this intro like watching it. I promised Pizza, I promised Bullet Time and I promised surfing (well corpse surfing) and I will deliver:

Devil May Cry 3

Lets review the history of DMC. DMC was Capcom's new series for the Playstation 2. It was being compared to Resident Evil at the time, but featured some kind of demon sword guy with guns.

Well, thats what you get, a Half-Demon sword guy with guns... and more guns... and bigger badder guns... DMC 1 was fantastic.

DMC 2 sucked.

Then, Capcom said "WTF? How about we stop sucking?" And they did. They went back to what works, GUNS and MORE GUNS.

So here in it's glory, the opening scene in Devil May Cry 3: MORE GUNS.

P.S. More GUNS!

Next up, a scientist opens a portal to another world, but he don't got a crowbar...

Number 7 - Final Fantasy VII / Carmageddon
Number 8 - Quake 2
Number 9 - Red Alert 2
Number 10 - Nightmare Creatures 2

This is the intro movie that took made "Square Soft" (now SquareEnix) a household name. Yes,

Final Fantasy VII

Now I must confess, I've never played this game, so I'm not all "Oh my goodness Final Fantasy!" I was a Nintendo fanboy, what can I say. So when looking at this game, I had to ask my good friend Steve Tzé why it was so damned cool.

Steve told me "It was the first 3D Final Fantasy game with good character design, the story was sort of interesting and someone dies. Oh yeah the world was cool too."

Granted he told me this while in a bar in D.C. But the truth remains.

Having never played the game I must take him at his word. I will say the CGI in this intro is quite moving. Square has historically done pretty darn good games, and this is no exception.

Except... Except I never played this game. So no way in hell does it get the number seven spot by it's self.

Carmageddon

Hells yeah, now we are talking. That's right the number seven spot will be shared by both Final Fantasy 7 and Carmageddon. By the time this game came out, we'd all seen vehicular combat done right. Twisted Metal 2 was possibly the greatest game to grace the Playstation.

So along comes this other car game. This time on computer, ok I'll bite. I downloaded the demo (off of Happy Puppy.com the best demo download site in the world at that time) and gave it a shot.

This was more than a game, it was a breakthrough. So to honor it, it's intro video stands along side Final Fantasy VII.

"Those who are about to die, we salute you."

That line is all you need to know about this movie.

Next time, a video featuring pizza, bullet time and surfing.

Number 8 - Quake 2
Number 9 - Red Alert 2
Number 10 - Nightmare Creatures 2

Submitted by Listener MarkG

Torus Trooper is a speed based semi-3d vertical side scrolling racer-shooter developed by Kenta Cho, developer of rRootage of "Stump" (can't say Buck) fame, that is free for download on Mac OS X and that other operating system.
What did I like about this game? THE SPEED!! IT'S UNBELIEVABLE!!!
When you start the game up you're given a pretty simple menu with three buttons to choose from: Normal, Hard, and Extreme. Which to pick... hmmmm.... Select Extreme, hit Z to start, hold the up arrow, and hold on to your seat.

You play as a little white ship in a never-ending tubular maze as countless other white ships shoot their red polygons at you. The arrow keys control your movement, and if you're not at maximum speed the whole time, you're doing something wrong. The goal is to collect the most points possible before the time runs out. You lose 15 seconds for being shot down, and you gain 15 seconds for destroying the occasional boss. Once you collect a set amount of points you will advance to the next level, and if you should need to quit, you'll be able to start your game back at the last level you reached.

There are two mechanics in this game: DODGE and SHOOT. Dodge is the arrow keys and shoot is Z/X. Z will shoot a never-ending stream of white dots at your enemies, while X will charge a powerful blast that will engulf everything in front of you including the AI's fire. You may want to fly through the game screaming, "X!!! CUT!!! D!!! GO!!!" but this doesn't work too well. Whenever you hit X, you are slowed dramatically, slowing your point gain, and it takes about 3 seconds to charge a good-sized X shot.

The sound is not amazing, but it's pretty good. Techno beats and nice explosions will accompany you on your epileptic journey through the tube.

Did I mention this game is fast? THE SPEED!! IT'S AMAZING!!! You'll be whizzing through the levels without a clue as to what the heck is going on, getting hit by shots you didn't see coming, and blowing the AI into hyperspace particles. The D ratio is practically 1:1. Your finger will almost always be pressing Z, with the occasional break to see more clearly in some of the more exiting volleys of polygonal death.

You can't go wrong giving this game a try. It's small, its fast, and it's absolutely FREE. Don't pass this one up.

The Return of the Ring:
High D ratio
It's free
Written in the D Programming language
Runs on Mac and you know... that other one.
Induces epilepsy
and the SPEED!!!
IT'S UNBELIEVABLE!!!

The IMG Pro Accounts:
Can seem a bit cheap at times
If you're computer lags, you die

Mac OS X Download:
http://shinh.skr.jp/osxbin/
(scroll down)

Windows Download:
http://www.asahi-net.or.jp/~cs8k-cyu/windows/tt_e.html

So you've bought youself and shiny new Xbox 360, the envy of every sweaty nerd in your apartment complex. The back of the box even says it can play your old Xbox games! This truly is the next generation of gaming.

But not so fast, son; I know what you're saying. "But if I play my Xbox games on the 360, I'll have to start all over! I'll lose my 60 hours of progress in Bad Boys 2!"

Fear not fellow Will Smith and Martin Lawrence fans! Because today I'll be giving you the complete how-to on transferring Xbox gamesaves to Xbox 360. This method is 100% legit, and dose NOT involve any hardware modification, voiding of warranties, or even any technical skills. But be warned...

Transferring Xbox gamesaves to Xbox 360 is a lot of hassle, costs around $75 dollars, and will NOT WORK WITH A LARGE PORTION OF GAMES. First, let