The forum recently decided to play a round of "add to the picture" and before you can interject something about what a horrible, horrible idea that is, I give you the results, presented to us on our doorstep not unlike a cat offering a dead rodent after a night of stalking the city streets:

Just so you know, yes. That is a cock. And yes. The cock was a two person effort. One person added the shaft and balls, while the second had to go back in and add the vein and projectile ejaculate.

Forum monglers MarkG and coreyjd have crunched the numbers and have come up with HARD CORE DATA. Click for big:

You cannot argue with mathematics!

In response to this, forum mongler Beadle offered to show all of us his schlong. Will the monglers take him up on his offer? Only time will tell.

Reader Judgment by Cheesegod!

Animal Crossing: City Folk (AKA the second reason to own a Wii after SSB:B) is the third game in the series. For those of you that haven't played an Animal Crossing game, it's basically Nintendo's answer to the Sims. You play as a dude who moves into a town full of animals. You immediately become the slave of a greedy raccoon who forces a house upon you and encourages you to do menial tasks to pay it off. Fishing, catching bugs, collecting seashells, gathering fruit and doing favors for neighbors are all ways to earn extra cash to use to buy your way out of your hellish existence of indentured servitude. You can also buy furniture to decorate your house with and purchase new clothing and accessories to make yourself look as gay as humanly possible.

Theres a few new things in this iteration. Firstly, there is now a city you can travel to. The city doesn't really add much to the game. A few familiar faces from the old game pop up there instead of showing up in your town, like Crazy Redd and Katrina. Theres also a high end furniture store, an auction house, a theater and the HRA headquarters all of which are kinda boring. The best part of the city is the skunk sitting on the stoop that shines shoes and has a cockney accent. I don't know why but I find him funny as hell. Overall though, the game could have done without the city. I don't find myself going there often.

This is the first console version with online play which is hella fun. You can visit the towns of anyone on your friends list when they open their gates. Once their you can go talk to all their animals, trade furniture, collect foreign fruits that don't grow in your town, mail the residents of their town death threats, cut down all their trees and write obscenities on their town's message board. As with any online enabled Nintendo game there is a retarded friend code system. Its a pain in the ass but worth it in the end for the aforementioned reasons.

Finally, theres WiiSpeak which is a microphone you hook up to your Wii and it lets you talk to other players by shouting at your TV. I didn't get the WiiSpeak bundle with my game but i've played with people that had it and it seems stupid. Its too sensitive and I can hear all the sound effects from their game come out of my speakers. And most people that had it just ended up typing to me anyway. If you end up getting the game, skip the WiiSpeak bundle unless you're positive people are gonna want to hear your sweaty nerd ass talk about Linux while catching pretend fish.

Overall, I think the game is great. Its a really relaxed game where you can go at your own pace and do whatever you feel like. Not too much as changed from the Gamecube version but I see that as a good thing. If you're a fan of the series or looking for a reason to dust off your Wii, Animal Crossing: City Folk is a good choice.

Judgement: Thumbs up

Pros:
- Relaxing gameplay
- Fun online play
- A crapload of stuff to collect

Cons:
- New features are on the boring side
- Friend codes
- Not on Xbox 360, so no achievements

Oh, I forgot the best part! Teaching your town's residents funny phrases:

Since it's been so long since we've had a proper show, Miller and I (sorry, Fic is at WWDC) thought we should make up for it with not only a new show tomorrow afternoon, but a LIVE DRUNKCAZT tomorrow night.

The DRUNKCAZT will be tomorrow night (6-13) from 6-9PM central US time (though this could change - keep an eye on the posts below).

You can find all the information about listening live at http://www.bestdamnpodcastever.com/live

We'll also be fielding any questions or comments you guys have in the forums, so put your heat up.

THE SHOW WILL BE THIS FRIDAY, JULY FRIDAY THE 13th AT 6-9PM CENTRAL

Listen to the show as it's recorded Live! In addition, you can participate in our Live! chat by joining the room "bdpelive" (no quotes) on any AOL Instant Messenger program. Also, if you've got something to say, you can call in by dialing 845-BATTLE-9 on any phone, or contact our Skype name "bestdamnpodcastever" (no quotes).

Just click the "LISTEN LIVE!" button on the right to download the streaming file (lisen.pls), and double-click to open in iTunes (or other audio app) and listen in Live!

Let us know what you think, and get your heat in ASAP.

This is the BDPE Filler Show, designed to keep you semi-entertained during the long waits for actually good shows. The less-than-stellar hosts are Lucas (editor of the BDPE), Mic (BATTLE failure veteran), and Ryan (totally unconnected to the BDPE).

In this week's episode, we discuss whatever the hell we can think of to fill time. And I bet you it'll be the same in next week's episode.

Send us hate mail at filler@bestdamnpodcastever.com or call our listener line at oh wait we don't have one.

And don't let us change your minds about voting for the BDPE on Podcast Alley. The real show is actually good, don't worry.

By Staff Writer Matt K

Tron

Starring
Jeff Bridges
Bruce Boxleitner
David Warner
Cindy Morgan

Directed by
Steven Lisberger

Game Designer and Hacker Kevin Flynn (Bridges) is trying to gather evidence that his games were stolen by evil ENCOM CEO Ed Dillinger (Warner). His hack skills are so good, he uses game designs to try and hack into the Master Control Program (MCP), a Skynet-like supercomputer with eventual world domination plans, but is thwarted by his swiped game designs. Aided by his former co-workers, Alan Bradley (Boxleitner) and Lora (Morgan), he sneaks into ENCOM to continue his English-based hacking, only to be zapped into the mainframe by a laser-digitizing device controlled by the MCP (I dub this the CPUniverse). Within the CPUniverse, Flynn must use his superior ja alai, Frisbee, and light bike skills, along with a security program named Tron (conveniently resembling Bradley), to take down the MCP and his command program Sark and retrieve the evidence he’s been looking for.

By 1982, American video games had grown into a capable industry (even though it was on the verge of collapsing) and their relationship with movies thus far had been one-way, with average to crap games based on movies appearing on the consoles, most notably Atari 2600. Tron is the first movie to feature video games as critical to the plot. Obviously, at the time it was wise for Disney to create an original property rather than try to license and translate a game to the big screen. None of the games at the time were famous for their storylines, unless you count the games based on movies, and before you think “surely they wouldn’t recycle an IP licensed for another medium back into the original medium,” remember that there later was Street Fighter: The Movie: The Game! As well as telling an original story, creating a new IP allowed for the games viewed in the movie to be brought out as their own video game titles, complete with incredible hype from the fantastic visuals.

Tron is a landmark film as it’s the first major motion picture to incorporate extensive computer-generated images for the background of the computer world, the vehicle sequences, and the MCP. Backgrounds involving human actors were created using traditional methods of rotoscoping and backlighting. While some people may consider it gimmicky, it opened the floodgates for CGI research into major motion pictures. Also, the “gimmick” actually gives Tron an aesthetically pleasing look that reflects the decade in which it is set, though doesn’t completely shackle it to its date (outside of the CPUniverse, however, it’s 100% 1980’s and will never be mistaken otherwise).

While the technological setting hold up, the story fails a bit, mainly because outside the action elements, the film is quite boring. At its heart, Tron is nothing more than a fantasy epic with an evil overlord needing to be brought down by an outnumbered but incredibly capable rebel force, thus freeing the land for goodness. Tron even has to receive the ultimate weapon by the “users” before he can hope to defeat the “Evil Emperor” and his digital “Darth Vader.” Also, Flynn is brought to a fantastic world where people who resemble people in the real world was already done in The Wizard of OZ. The device used to transport our ordinary, modern-day protagonist to this fantasy realm is a technological replacement for Dorothy’s flying house. Even the MCP is a cybernetic wizard, albeit evil. Once Tron, Flynn, and Ram break through the confines of the light cycle arena, the film loses the adrenaline rush that it had. As a result, the story elements of the film are rehashed elements of better films, though integrating them into the frame of a computer universe is quite well done.

As with any film involving technology, certain elements are quite dated. Not the actual CPUniverse, that is still quite impressive, even more so when considering the machines available to the film programmers at the time. I’m talking about the archaic games and the notion that people love to come to arcades to watch one gamer conquer a game. In fact, when Flynn is playing Space Paranoids in front of a cheering crowd, he destroys two Paranoids, the second one being simply a repeat of the previous sequence, only much harder because it seems to take him more time to aim, a task supposedly deemed impossible by his adoring fans by the amount of cheers he receives for completing it. Add to the fact that he is the original designer of the game; it’s perplexing that anyone would find this such a great feat. It’d be like Shigeru Miyamoto finding the Warp Whistle in Super Mario Bros 3, stage 1-3, and expecting everyone to claim that he is the greatest gamer ever for discovering his own secret.

Also, the “hacking” elements are a bit confusing. Obviously, when marketing such a high-brow concept as hacking to a general audience, you have to eliminate the jargon and tediousness involved in actual hacking; what results is our first (and certainly not last) instance of the programming using plain English to perform complex hacking/programming tasks, fooling the general audience into believing that all it takes to become an accomplished hacker is a keyboard, monitor, and grasp of the English language. Thus, a time-consuming, trial-and-error process is as simple as ordering from a drive-thru.

Finally, when depicting what actually goes on within the CPUniverse when you type Hack Computer, the film depicts games being played. I’m not sure if this is part of the program that Flynn and the MCP have programmed into their hacking/security databases, or if we are to believe that whenever we run Norton Antivirus, our computers are playing a round of Missile Command against oncoming viruses. Also, are the arcade games hooked-up to the MCP via some undisclosed network connection and comprised of the programs hijacked by the MCP? Makes me wonder if every time I inserted a quarter into Street Fighter II, a hacked version of Quicken as Ryu is duking it out with the AIM logo as Sagat, and that if I used a powerful enough combo, I could break directly into Capcom’s database?

Still, the acting is good. It’s easy to tell Jeff Bridges’s Flynn, the actual human transported into the CPUniverse, from the rest of the programs, since they act in such a non-emotional manner. However, I question whether Tron and Sark were transported out of the CPUniverse and into the real world, since their human counterparts, Bradley and Dillinger, seem equally devoid of emotion. With Boxleitner’s thick glasses, you’d believe that he’s a computer nerd, though it’s much harder to grasp him hooking up with Morgan’s Lora. Also hard to grasp is Flynn, being an arcade owner and hacker, not being an unshaved lummox. But in all, the acting is on par with Star Wars, both being movies more concerned with the special effects than high-caliber acting.

Tron is an accomplished cult film that makes up for its average story with groundbreaking special effects. Several video games based on the light cycles, Frisbee, and Space Paranoids segments of the film were produced for arcades at the time, as well as video game sequels to the movie storyline in recent years. Fans of The Matrix will certainly see the inspiration from this film without the deep insight (or pompous philosophy of the sequels). It introduced CGI to an audience on the verge of accepting home computers into their homes, opening the floodgates to extensive and crappy CGI in many movies that should have known better. Also, those of us that were around when the film originally came out have a chance for some good, if rose-colored, nostalgia.. Most important to this article, Tron serves as a great introduction to video games as a major element into the film. Though it wasn’t a translation of an existing popular game into a film, it did allow video games to gain mass media attention. Gamers dreaming of their favorite games being translated directly to screen would have to wait about a decade for their dreams to be shattered.

Gamer Culture Exposed: This movie deals quite well with video gamers, not making them out to be anarchists (Flynn is in the right as his games were stolen by Dillinger) or unsociable slobs. However, I may have been too young for the trend where people come to an arcade to watch someone else make a high score. If anything, I'd have my quarter slapped up there to beat it, but these guys seem to have nothing better to do than watch someone play the games. Also, this was during the Golden Age of the Arcade when the home console market was crashing and games were far superior at the arcade than at home. This, of course, came to an end with the release of the Dreamcast version of Soul Calibur.

Availability: Tron enjoyed a revival during the dawn of the new millenium, especially with its spiritual successor The Matrix garnering attention and popularity. Various versions of the DVD are available in stores and on Amazon.

Formula: As mentioned above, Tron is not exactly original plot-wise, and we’ll see that no video game movies are. Therefore, I shall provide an easy-to-follow flow chart that will help you determine what kind of movie you’re getting, thus illuminating possible alternatives if you’re trying to find a similar flick without the video game trappings.

By Staff Writer Matt K
Original Pic by Shawn B

I’m going to try and address a very controversial topic. Some people may find it inappropriate and offensive. Does that mean I should stop writing now? Well, how can you be offended if I don’t complete the article? Surely you’ll need the complete context of my writing and my intention for writing if you’re going to deem it offensive. Such is the case for Resident Evil 5. Sure, the series is no stranger to controversy, what with its explicit violence and gore. A new controversy came about during E3 2007, where a video depicted series mainstay Chris Redfield battling savage villagers. A blogger caught sight of this trailer and vented her offense, deeming the images in the trailer to be racist. Naturally, many people reacted in a rather knee-jerk fashion, spewing racial and sexist slurs towards the blogger, essentially validating the blogger’s opinion that video games can make people racist.

People like to abuse the anonymity of the Internet. Bloggers will pick any topic of interest and write about it, saying anything they want with a false sense of authority in a desire to be heard and validated. They take offense when people read their blogs and react against them, often with a similar sense of false authority. Each blogger and commentator thinks they are right and believe that they can convince others to affirm and conform to their views but will not seek to change their own views at any counter argument. By no means were the slanderous remarks about the blogger's race or gender called for. Such slander served no purpose but to support the blogger's claim. On the other hand, the blogger failed to approach the subject in a wise manner. With such claims as “Start them young… fearing, hating, and destroying black people,” she was inadvertently implying that video game players are racist. In reality, such a claim makes her racist, and a poor writer. She’s made broad generalizations about a game, and the gamers who will play it.

She mentions “the fact that this video game is marketed to children and young adults.” The Resident Evil series has never been marketed to children. All American releases since the very first game have garnered an ‘M’ rating due to violence and gore, and each game’s title sequence is preceded by the warning “This game contains scenes of explicit violence and gore.” Any parent who has blindly bought these games for their children have more problems to deal with than just racism. Parents are provided with sufficient warning of the explicit content in a game via the box warnings and the Internet. If a parent allows their child to play the game, it’s up to them to let them know that the entire game is fiction and that no racial influence is developed from the experience. If the parents are racist, then honestly the game is not going to make a difference one way or another because the child is already exposed to the racism. As for young adults or adults in general, it’s up to them to determine their own feelings and outlook on races, and this has most likely been cultivated long before they are exposed to other material. I looked at the trailer myself before hearing of this blog and I did not find myself overcome with the urge to grab a white hood and lynching ropes. Racial feelings did not rise up in me when I saw the enemies. I’m an adult and my feelings about people of different races are pretty much set, and those were from my real life interactions with them. Also, I’m mature enough to know that experiences with a finite number of people from a race do not necessarily dictate the entire race from acting in such a way. Resident Evil 5 or any other game does not determine that.

Another problem is that many of these accusations of racism are based on a trailer. The blogger herself says “The new Resident Evil 5 video game depicts a white man in what appears to be Africa killing black people.” First, it’s the trailer, not the game. You can’t declare an entire game, or for that matter its makers and fans of the game/series, racist if the entire context of the game has not been released. Such an assumption is just as racist as judging an entire race based on a few people. Also, I feel I can safely assume that the blogger has not followed the series. The “white man,” revealed to be Chris Redfield, has battled against the Umbrella Corporation, the company responsible for the outbreaks of zombie and parasitic infestation throughout the entire series. The spoken line of dialogue, “I have a job to do, and I’m going to see it through,” is inferred by the blog to imply Chris’s desire to attack the black villagers. Now, having not played the game myself, I cannot say this for certain, but having played the previous games, I safely infer that this is targeted towards Umbrella Corp. At any rate, the dialogue and actions of Chris cannot be properly interpreted until the full context of the game has been revealed.

In regards to context, it’s not been explicitly revealed where the game is taking place, but if the story is set in a locale indigenous to black people, would people be offended if black people were completely omitted, most likely interpreting that black people aren’t worthy of being in a video game? Would people be offended if the main character was black, believing this glorifies black-on-black violence? Where was this blogger’s outrage when the previous installment featured Spanish villagers as similarly savage? Where was the outrage of racism when all previous zombies, with the exception in Resident Evil 2 of Officer Marvin Branagh, were all white? The blogger has not addressed these issues because they never were issues. In the context of the game, the things being “killed” were dead to begin with, and it was a matter of survival for the main characters. There’s no hidden meaning to the undead nor to their elimination. To paraphrase Freud, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, but what we interpret the cigar to mean determines what we believe is there.

Will canceling Resident Evil 5 teach everyone that racism is wrong and people everywhere will join together in peace and harmony? I can safely say it will not. The problems of racism exist not in games, but within people. Games, like novels and movies, address issues; they don’t cause or solve issues. The best we can do is educate ourselves and deal with issues of racism and other negative vices not within the games, which are just interactive fiction, but within ourselves and our society. People make games, games do not make people.

By Staff Writer Matt K
Art by Shawn B

NAME: Link (surname unknown)

KNOWN ALIASES: Hero of Legends, Hero of Time, Hero of Winds, Legolas, Prissy Boy in Green Tights

AGE: 21 (real-life, in-game age unknown/varies)

LOCATION: Land of Hyrule

EVIDENCE: The Legend of Zelda series, Link: The Faces of Evil, Zelda: The Wand of Gameleon, Zelda’s Adventure.

PROFILE: Another long-time Nintendo associate, suspect has been theorized to be involved in many epic adventures involving the discovery of the Triforce, a legendary power source believed to be connected to Hyrule’s creation. In the course of recovering the Triforce, suspect has come into conflict with notorious villain Ganon and rescued Hyrulian matriarch in training, Princess Zelda. Suspect is a master swordsman, munitions and weapons expert, oftentimes able to combine weapons in unorthodox ways with devastating results. Also suspected to use enchanted items and special powers. Suspect is megalomaniacal, believes his actions are foretold in various prophecies and are justified. Perpetuation of the prophecies and various legends by local townsfolk only fuel his delusion.

CRIMES/DEVIANT BEHAVIOR:

• Organ Harvesting – Suspect believed to be responsible for an innumerable amount of murders, many of which involve him stealing the victims’ hearts. However, this is based on eye-witness testimony, as the suspect detonates the victims’ bodies, supposedly to hide the evidence. Suspect is rumored to use the hearts to “extend his life and rejuvenate,” suspected involvement in a cult known for ritualistic sacrifice.
• Kidnapping/Cruelty to Faeries – Suspect believed to be involved in a string of kidnappings involving faeries. He is known to imprison the faeries in jars corked without air holes. Suspect believed to used faeries as a means of rejuvenation, the fate of the faeries he has “used” is unknown.
• Political Assassination – Suspect has been involved in numerous plots to murder Ganondorf, known consul ant to the Hyrulian king. While Ganondorf is suspected of being the known criminal Ganon, such evidence is believed only by our suspect. Also, despite supposedly successful assassinations, Ganondorf and Ganon continue to return. Investigation is currently underway to confirm or deny the identity of the numerous people going by the name “Ganondorf” or “Ganon.”
• Possession of Concealed Weapons – Suspect has managed to acquire numerous weapons of various types, despite only appearing to have a few pockets and pouches. Also, suspect’s primary weapon, a sword believed to be a legendary artifact, is capable of firing a type of energy projectile with lethal force, making the suspect incredibly dangerous.
• Thievery – Suspect has commit several acts of burglary, mugging (almost always with fatal results), looting, and various other forms of felony-level thievery.
• Trespassing, Breaking and Entering – In relation to thievery, suspect has broken into several domiciles, including the Castle Hyrule, and ancient ruins and temples, despite several guards and traps designed to keep out trespassers.
• Grave Desecration – In relation to thievery and organ harvesting, suspect has desecrated numerous graves and tombs, taking riches, hearts, and other unmentionable items. Bodies once buried have been found out of the grave, violated with weapon marks. Suspect believed to be involved in necromancy and possible necrophilia tendencies.
• Impersonating a Handicap/Mentally Challenged Person - Only chronicled on three occasions, suspect has been shown to move in an unusual manner, manipulating his face to appear as if he is mentally challenged. This is believed to be done to throw off authorities.
• Endangerment of Royalty - In relation to above, suspect perpetuated the ruse of being mentally challenged so far that he allowed himself to be detained on two occasions, warranting the endangerment of the Hyrulian Princess, Zelda, in order to rescue/restore him.
• Poaching and Animal Cruelty – Suspect has aided in the hunting and poaching of local flora and fauna, many of which are rare and endangered. He has been known to trade poach animals for recognition, riches, and general acts of cruelty.
• Poultry Assault and Theft – Suspect has on several occasions been involved in numerous assaults of local poultry. Often, however, these assaults result in the livestock assaulting the suspect, who often runs away before any livestock is killed. Suspect also believed involved in stealing chickens and, through various eye-witnesses, “taken in for a ride.” Bestiality is not ruled out.

By Staff Writer Matt K.

Jack Thompson isn’t real. I don’t mean he doesn’t exist. I’ve never seen him in person to verify his existence, but unless technology has reached the level of the movie S1m0ne and all who supposedly been in person with him are good actors, I’m sure he exists. I’m also willing to believe that the biological, statistical, and unbiased verifiable facts about his personal and professional life are, for the most part, accurate. What isn’t real, however, is “Jack Thompson.” The boisterous, belligerent hate/fear monger who decries the video game industry and video game playing community, all under the name “Jack Thompson, isn’t real.

It’s all an act. An elaborate ruse designed to rise above all the monotonous detritus of activists who believe that their opinions are infallible and should be lifted up above all others. There are innumerable protest organizations, politicians taking a stand against “morally objectionable” topics, and legal counsel trying to implement their interpretations of the law that an ordinary lawyer from Florida just wouldn’t stand out in the quagmire. In order to be noticed, he has to be outrageous. I’m sure plenty of people have applied, and been rejected, for assistant State Attorney under Janet Reno, but who ran against her as prosecutor, tried to get her to claim to be a homosexual or advocate “homosexual agendas,” and then tried to sue her because she put her hand on his shoulder and shook him slightly? There are countless protestors against music with explicit lyrics, but who compared himself to Batman by declaring a crusade against artists such as NWA and 2 Live Crew and advised others to distance themselves from such groups and people, subtly threatening to wreck the reputation of anyone who didn’t heed his “suggestions?” Plenty of politicians seek to bring the adult content of video games to light, but who takes it to the extreme by personally attacking game makers, advocates, and players, attacking the ratings system designed to inform people of the content, and making hysterical and often hypocritical statements that have long been tracked in the news and in writing? All this Jack Thompson has done while maintaining that his cause is righteous, taking any opportunity to make himself seen and heard, yet he is unwilling to accept any consequences for making himself such a public figure, bringing lawsuits and cease and desist notices against anyone who, at best, makes comments against him or, at worst, parody and mock him. This is all an act.

Anyone in touch with the comedy scene of the 1970’s and early 1980’s or has seen the Jim Carrey movie Man on the Moon know of Andy Kaufman. He was an unconventional comedian who bucked the comedic conventions. Instead of simply telling jokes for punch-line effect, Kaufman sought to fool the audience by pretending to be anything but funny. He would pretend to be serious and controversial, creating an act that was designed to go on for the longest time without apparent comedic effect, much to the chagrin of the audience. However, at the last minute, Kaufman would give an incredible feat of humor or impersonation, that would win over the audience members, who had by this time realized they had been fooled. Kaufman would take his act one step further by staying “in character” in public; he would act eccentric and against convention to all but his family and closest friends. No one could ever take Kaufman seriously; some even believed that his death from a rare form of lung cancer in 1983 was the ultimate prank and expected him to reappear, alive and well, some 20 years later. To Kaufman, there was no limit to how far he was willing to go in order to put one over on the audience.

So is “Jack Thompson” nothing but a Kaufman-esque act designed to get a rise out of as many people as possible? If so, one would have to wonder to what purpose the prank serves. Jack Thompson has stated that stores should be responsible and not sell products marked as unsuitable to anyone under the proper age limit, but instead of concentrating on such outlets that fail to enforce the limit, he vehemently targets the developers and publishers, claiming that there is a moral aptitude that must be maintained, especially when it comes to objects that can fall in the hands of children. He claims to be a crusader. However, as much as Jack purports to serve the moral good by bringing to light the wickedness of the music and game industry, his constant decrying of the controversial products only serve to promote said products, especially to the underage games he claims to want to protect. To the game industry, he is the ultimate advertising. He is constantly bringing the developers to task for their creations, allying himself on the side of the legal and moral right. However, his antics often distance him from others in the legal profession, especially judges he lambastes who don’t rule in his favor and the like-minded organizations who disassociate from him when his outrageous comments and questionable tactics are scrutinized.

He has been found certifiably sane by several review boards, but madness can be described as the repetition of actions that lead to a set result with the belief that a different result will occur. Perhaps he enjoys the attention he gets, both good and bad, from all sides. Perhaps there’s a hidden agenda or purpose he intends to reveal at a later date. Perhaps it isn’t an act and everything he says and does can be taken at face value. No one but the real Jack Thompson can say, but who knows who that is? All we know is an eccentric lawyer who uses unorthodox and often counterproductive means to get attention, and as long as we validate his antics and react in knee-jerk fashion, he’ll continue to perform this act for us.

The best we can do is rise above the cycle. Ignore the act, place him back into the sea of faceless lawmakers and politicians seeking to make a name for themselves by spewing out skewed information and meaningless claptrap against anything that will get them attention. Don’t validate his act. Seek to make the gaming industry better, and let the clowns starving for your attention move on to some other circus. There was only one Andy Kaufman, and anyone else is a sad imitation.

By Staff Writer Matt K.

NAME: Mario (surname unknown; allegedly Mario)

KNOWN ALIASES: Super Mario, Dr. Mario, Jumpman, Big Poppa ‘Shroom

AGE: 26 (real world)

LOCATION: Brooklyn, New York (birth), Mushroom Kingdom (current)

EVIDENCE: Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong Jr., Mario Bros., Super Mario Series, Dr. Mario, Mario Kart series, Mario Party series.

PROFILE: Long time mascot of Nintendo, suspect’s primary claim to fame is the protagonist of several adventure games involving the rescue of a kidnapped princess from a rival monarch, despite primary occupation being a plumber. Suspect has many guises, all of which have nothing to do with plumbing. Is often accompanied by lesser known brother, Luigi. Suspect revealed he was kidnapped as an infant, which may explain deviant behavior.

CRIMES/DEVIANT BEHAVIOR
Drug Usage – Suspect has been known to consume various controlled substances, believing such give him “super powers.” Per suspect’s testimony, such substances include a mushroom allow him to grow larger (suspected Viagra abuse), a flower of unknown species which allows him to control flames (suspected opium abuse) , a star which gives him a sense of invincibility (suspected cocaine/heroin combination abuse), and different type of mushroom giving him “another life” (substance abuse unknown). Current intelligence shows suspect plans on infiltrating the 2008 Summer Olympics and will most likely consume steroids, speed, and PCP to compete with stronger, faster, and more resilient competitors.

Possession of Controlled Substance with Intent to Distribute – Suspect has been reported to hold various themed “parties” with intent of distributed previously listed controlled substances are distributed amongst the “players” for imbibing. Players then attack each other with intent to achieve various specified goals. So far, only eight of these parties have been confirmed (another party suspected to be “on the go”).

Driving Under the Influence – Suspect has competed in various racing competitions while under the influence of various controlled substances.

Animal Cruelty – Suspect has committed various acts of cruelty towards animals of various species. Acts of cruelty range from imprisonment, submission, and execution, all done without remorse. Methods include crushing underfoot, incineration, munitions, and battery with various objects, including bodies of other victims.

Practicing Medicine without A License – Outside of usage of controlled substance chronicled above, suspect has posed as a medical doctor, prescribing medicine to people with various ailments. Medical professionals have advised that suspect prescribes such a high amount of medicine, many of which do not combat the viruses, that anyone taking the prescription would expire from overdose.

Falsifying Identity – Suspect’s listed profession is plumber, yet despite an affluence of sewer and pipe work, suspect has shown no plumbing work experience. Suspect has also posed as various professions, among which include doctor, archaeologist, animal hunter, boxing official, tennis referee, professional golfer, dancer, typing teacher, artist, and construction worker.

Property Damage – Suspect has used unorthodox methods, primarily jumping and punching, to destroy various brick structures, many under construction and incomplete.

Conspiracy to Commit Kidnapping – Although not convicted, it has recently come to light that suspect may conspire with known criminal Bowser Koopa in various kidnappings, all of which have been the same victim, Princess Peach Toadstool. Suspect then “rescues” victim in an attempt to garner fame and fortune. Investigation currently underway.

CURRENT ACTIVITY: Suspect is currently organizing an underground fighting tournament known as “Smash Bros.” Suspect should be considered armed and incredibly dangerous. Avoid if around open flame, while riding a green dragon-like creature, or is at a higher level.

Submitted by listener Matt K.

With all the controversy over games such as Manhunt 2, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, and various other M rated games, I would like to propose a concept for a game that is absolutely critic proof. This game will have large amounts of violent, sexual, and other objectionable content and will be marketed to everyone. While developing this game would be most advantageous to Rockstar/Take Two, I send this concept out to anyone for consideration.

Now first, I must confess that this is not my original creation as I’m adapting the concept from another source (but don’t worry, the copyright has long expired). The game would span years, decades, even centuries and millenniums and will have a large cast of playable characters. Each character will have various strength and weaknesses, but unlike most games, with the exception of two playable characters, you will only get one life per character to complete each story/mission. Difficulty is so high you will surely have to rely on the God Mode to complete the game. Gameplay will be a sandbox of various types, including Action-Adventure with RPG-like character status assigning and changing, Real-Time War Strategy, Stealth, Life and City Simulation, and even animal-raising, with random mini-games thrown in, however, don’t think you’ll be able to do whatever you want as each story is decidedly linear.

Violence: Up front, there is a lot of violence of various types. There are one-on-one battles, one-against-many battles, and battles between nations. There are some missions where you will have to decimate entire towns, including women and children. The various ways of death include, but are not limited to, stabbing, strangulation, burning, throwing into pits, torture, and even supernatural deaths. Some may say that the violence is over the top, but I guarantee you it is staying true to the source material.

Sexual content: Like any other game, this is where most of the hate for the game will most likely come up, but once again, I would like to remind readers and any potential protesters that all of this is being truthful to the source material. There is a good bit of nudity, especially at the beginning, and several scantily-clad characters appear throughout. Actual sexual intercourse occurs on-screen including consensual sex, non-consensual sex, incest, sex with minors, and sex between same-genders. Various dialogues describing various acts of sex will also be present.

Other objectionable content will include consumption of alcoholic beverages (including a mini-game where your character produces wine) and profanity (though not necessarily the same words we are used to, the intent will be the same). Religious overtones will permeate throughout the game. Also, the actions of the various characters can be interpreted differently by various people per their beliefs. Children will most likely want to emulate the above content after prolonged, unsupervised (or even supervised) game play.

With all that said, I feel that the usual game deriders will be hard pressed to bring objections to this game, because objecting to the game will mean objecting to the source material. Also, while the above description would normally rank an M or even an AO in any other game, this game deserves an E because the source material is marketed, even encouraged to be used by children of all ages. The name of this game?

“The Holy Bible”! BLAM!

Listener Jordan B. sent us an awesome photo of himself and everyone's favorite eight patty delight, the OCTOMAC.

Got any Octomac sightings photos yourself? Send em' in here and you might be on BDPE next time.

Submitted by listener Matt K.

The video game industry is like no other industry out there.

Where else do you get people who play and practice day after day at something that is ultimately inconsequential with the hopes that one day their talent will be recognized and sponsored in tournaments to prove that they are the best around, thereby earning money, fame, and respect of people who aren’t quite as good? Oh wait, that’s the Sports Industry!

Well, where else do you get people who worship something that they feel “changes their life,” and will tell to all who care to listen of the greatness of it and will flame and demonize anyone else who believes otherwise? Oh wait, that’s Religion!

Still, where else can you find a product that features characters and enemies of outlandish proportions, yet have much humanity, and chronicles their many adventures that can be bought on a regular basis, and the industry itself is often demonized by egotistical, opportunistic jerks posing as men of renown who think we should all do as they say and think these products are only for kids and should not be made? Oh wait, that’s the Comic Book Industry!

Alright then, where else can you find products that are hailed as great upon their initial release, only to be soon forgotten when sequels or similar items come out, only for those knock-offs to be forgotten and the originals be touted as groundbreaking long after their availability is gone and you have to basically spend money on something you’ve already bought before? Oh wait, that’s the Movie Industry!

Fine, last time, what other industry provides you with something that looks great, allows you to be by yourself and play with yourself for hours and go online to find a large market of people who like to do the exact same thing? Oh wait, that’s the Porn Industry!

Oh well, at least no other industry has something like Best Damn Podcast Ever, a show that features three charismatic yet socially stunted men whose lexicon has entered the public conscious and are considered the end all be all for all things humorous and are shunned by their peers. Unless you count Howard Stern.

Achievement Unlocked. If you own an Xbox 360, you have no doubt seen these words. Seemingly innocent and designed as simply a ploy to keep gamers playing games (instead of watching Movies, socializing with friends or having lives). But despite Microsoft’s intentions, achievements have created a new form of entertainment, social status, marketing and a quantitative measure to a qualitative problem.

To dig into this, I’ll first turn the system on myself.

This represents me. Not just an aging snapshot, but also a live updating representation of me. Lets dissect it a bit. First the name, what I have chosen to call myself. Entire books are written on this, and it’s nothing new, so we will gloss over it. Next we have my Rep, it’s a player review representation of me. How well do I play with others? It also stems into what kind of a gamer I am. Look around your friends list; chances are you have people all over the place in rep. Some of them might be jerks, but most likely the rep separates those who use games as simply entertainment and those who use games as a social vehicle for interaction. Talking online with a friend and playing the same game together can be nearly identical to spending face time with that person. Yet, despite it involving human interaction, you are very much alone.

There is debate as to the social aspect of “meeting online,” be it a game, myspace or some back ally on IRC. There have been several studies to link Internet social interaction and loneliness as well as several to link the exact opposite, citing a strengthening in long distance relationships. Ultimately the effects of this will not be known for some time, as it is still in its infancy.

Regardless you can determine from a glance at someone’s rep (to get back on task here) their degree of online socialization and thus the kind of gamer they are (solitary or social).

Now we have the “G” or Gamer Score. This is the most brilliant part of achievements. Microsoft took the very qualitative measure of “how good of a gamer are you” and turned it into a quantitative value. The more points the more skills you have. But it digs deeper than that. If you were to do a cross examination of points and achievements you could determine exactly what kind of gamer someone is, and what kind of games appeal to them. All this information has been put into the public by Microsoft; it’s easily readable off their database. In this information you can find exactly what you need to market to the right people.

Again lets take me. If you click to expand my gamer card, you will see all the achievements I have earned and those I have not. If you were to explore them, you will find I do not play Ranked Online games. I just don’t care about deathmatching. You can see I enjoy First Person Shooters, enough to attempt to finish them fully (except for FEAR). All of this information is better than any study on a market could hope to accomplish. I’m almost insulted to think that no company has attempted to exploit this information to market their products to me.

This gamer score also tells you how long, how often and how much I like to game. If an achievement requires someone to log 100+ hours into a game, it’s pretty obvious what their minimal game playtime is. It’s also pretty safe to assume that larger gamer score = more active gamer/longer member of Xbox Live. There’s a few ways to cheat, but that just reinforces the concept that the bigger your score, the better a gamer you are.

What does all of this mean to you? Believe it or not, but the Achievement Unlocked sound is the sound of potential $$$. It’s an old concept being executed on a global scale like never before. It’s also a very unoriginal company Microsoft paving the way for a new way Gamers interact with each other. Believe it, you will see the Achievement system continues to grow and expand. Playstation Home will incorporate Sony’s attempt at Achievements, and I expect Nintendo to make one of their own.

Who knows, in years to come, you may find people selling their Achievement Expertise online, willing to (for a fee) improve your gamer score (or whatever it is called) to advance you up the social ladder of the future.

The EDF or Earth Defense Force are an elite group of soilders who's one mission is to protect Planet Earth from the hords of evil in the universe.

Join us now citizen as we protect our planet from the Ravagers--a group of blood thirsty aliens.

Do you have the chops to make it? I think so, but watch this instructional video to make sure you got the mustard.

So go go go and buy this game. It's the best damn game you can find.

Here it is. The best, undisputed BEST DAMN GAME INTRO EVER. I'm talking about Activision's amazing 3D Mech-vehicle simulator.

Mechwarrior 2

For those of you out there who are too young to know of this game, forget anything you might know about Mechwarrior, especially "Mech Assault".

Mechwarrior 2 was a full on simulation. Every key on the keyboard did something. This was not run and gun, it was strategic. You build your Mech in the shop, adding parts and watching weight and heat* distribution. Then you follow a mission plan, using satellite uplink info and nav points. Then of course you discover how you can set your guns to group fire and unload your payload at once (but be ready to hit "O" to override the system shutdown due to over heating*). What does this game-play have to do with the movie? Simple--The short but gripping intro set the entire stage for what you would encounter. There has yet to be a more gripping and compelling video created.

Don't beleive me? Well you should! Lets take a look at why this intro rules supreme.

Mechs

Explosions

Gripping story

Amazing Music

Explosions

That's really all you need. Every single time I went to play this game, I had to watch the intro, it just gave me chills. It set the stage for a gripping bloody struggle, in Mechs.

*Note: Heat actually means thermodynamics in this case.

Now before you click on the Youtube link to play, I need to sadden you. Youtube cannot handle this video, that's how good it is. The audio is off on every upload I have tried. Thus, instead of watching the Youtube link below, I urge you to download the file here and watch it in it's glory.

So, think we are full of crap? Think our list is jank? Well let us know on the forums. Tell us what YOUR top 10 list is. You could just be right.

Number 2 - Ninja Gaiden 2
Number 3 - Full Throttle
Number 4 - Dawn of War
Number 5 - Out of this World
Number 6 - Devil May Cry 3
Number 7 - Final Fantasy VII / Carmageddon
Number 8 - Quake 2
Number 9 - Red Alert 2
Number 10 - Nightmare Creatures 2

We are back, after a nice little break to let everyone discuss the previous top 8 game intros. There's been some heated debate even some, dare I say it?, Nay Saying.

Our number 2, Best Damn Game Intro Ever is a NES classic. This intro is not only cinematic, but a technical masterpiece. I'm talking about Tecmo's

Ninja Gaiden 2

This intro uses some impressive parallax scrolling to achieve a look never really seen on a game system before. Sure it wasn't the first game to scroll. But the way they used it, the motion of the characters, the sky and clouds, it all comes together in a way that makes you say "A Nintendo can do that?"

Combine this with the both very movie like introduction of the main characters and the extensive dialogue (which you'll notice actually flows like it's being spoken) and you have an intro that wouldn't be matched for years.

Marvel in this greatness, and also pay respect to the music. This is devotion.

Closer and closer to #1. Dare I give a hint? Oh it's just too juicy, you'll have to wait!

Number 3 - Full Throttle
Number 4 - Dawn of War
Number 5 - Out of this World
Number 6 - Devil May Cry 3
Number 7 - Final Fantasy VII / Carmageddon
Number 8 - Quake 2
Number 9 - Red Alert 2
Number 10 - Nightmare Creatures 2

So I'm checking my Savannah College of Art and Design email the other day, and noticed that Apple will be conducting interviews for game design positions, including 3D animators and modelers to work at the Apple campus in Cupertino. Now, you don't really need a team of 3D artists to make iPod games. Could this mean Apple is working on first party game titles? Blake Buck says no. William Miller says yes.

Needless to say, I've dropped my resume bomb in that box upstairs. We'll see if anything happens. Stay tuned!

"Whenever I smell asphalt..." That's the opener, spoken in a low gruff voice. The kind of voice that says "I just got out of prison for stabbing a guy." It's a voice belonging to the leader of the Polecats. So, ranking in at Number 3, of the Best Damn Intros of all time...

Full Throttle

Lucas Arts and Tim Schafer at their finest. It's the story of Ben Throttle a biker gang leader in a future world were bikers are being phased out. The intro digs into the carefree nature of these bikers. Bonus points, as the game plays like an interactive cartoon, with voice talent and graphics to match. You have no soul if you don't just love every moment of this intro.

We are getting close to #1, just some parallax scrolling in between...

Number 4 - Dawn of War
Number 5 - Out of this World
Number 6 - Devil May Cry 3
Number 7 - Final Fantasy VII / Carmageddon
Number 8 - Quake 2
Number 9 - Red Alert 2
Number 10 - Nightmare Creatures 2

When it comes to game intros, there's one name that should be on everyone's mind: Blur.

Blur? Who are they? Blur is the finest CGI studio in existence, EVER! Well, they got together with THQ to do the intro of a damned fine game, you might know it as:

Dawn of War

Based on some Warhammer thing I don't care about, Dawn of War is a honest to god, faithful RTS that picks up where Star Craft left off. The game it's self is one of the finest ever crafted, but lets focus on the intro.

Right away, we have Guns with Chain-saws*

*Note from editor: I'm not making any Cliffy B or Gears jokes/references/call-em-outs.

Orks in space, mechs, and cigar smoking flame-thrower dudes. Add to this amazing CGI and and a gory epic blood soaked intro, and you have a damned fine cinematic. Really what can I type at this point? Just watch, enjoy, and watch again, then enjoy again.

It's only getting even more-betterest from here on out kids.

Next time, and the 3rd best game intro of all time, I smell asphalt.

Number 5 - Out of this World
Number 6 - Devil May Cry 3
Number 7 - Final Fantasy VII / Carmageddon
Number 8 - Quake 2
Number 9 - Red Alert 2
Number 10 - Nightmare Creatures 2

Science. It's the stuff games are made. Need some plot? How about Science? All too often some scientist dawns a power suit and saves the world. This time, lets let the scientist kick ass on his terms.

Out of this World

or

Another World

Same game, two names!

That's right Gordon Freeman doesn't have crap on Lester Knight Chaykin, action scientist.

So why is this game intro so rocking? First of all, it was done in engine, in 1991, and was a stunning use of vector animation. The facial expressions and movement were just top notch. Plus the art style is so beautiful. If you don't get chills from this, then you should check for a pulse. Seriously, this into sets the mood and pace for what is about to be a gripping adventure into an alternate reality. Now, enjoy some science:

Next time on BDPE, ORK ORK ORK ORK!

Number 6 - Devil May Cry 3
Number 7 - Final Fantasy VII / Carmageddon
Number 8 - Quake 2
Number 9 - Red Alert 2
Number 10 - Nightmare Creatures 2

The video I have for you all this week is not even game-related at all. It's an ad for a tax company that I saw on local TV in Oxford, MS called Mo' Money Taxes who apparently opperates in the south-eastern United States.

However, after seeing it, I immediately replayed it 5 times on my Tivo, laughing harder each time. The ad is some sort of half-baked Dukes of Hazzard parody, but is so completely ridiculous, it get's funnier every time you watch it.

Why is he eating chips? What is he saying? Why are there so many clock's in Boss' office set to different times? Why can't the cops keep their belts on? How can you say dipshit on television? Why does the video have crazy lines in it and alternate between black and white and full color? Why do they refer to the repair man as "Sugar Man", then a few seconds later in the same sentence call him "Dog Pound"? Why does the attractive lady make the cop drive off the road? Why are there so many boxes stacked up? What the hell is guy in the back of the car doing after they crash? What is this mytical 30 second deal?

I've seen this video at least 30 times, and I'm still finding stuff I love about it. Tell us what you think in our Mo' Money Forum Thread

This game into can't really be put into words. I can try, but nothing describes the pure perfection of this intro like watching it. I promised Pizza, I promised Bullet Time and I promised surfing (well corpse surfing) and I will deliver:

Devil May Cry 3

Lets review the history of DMC. DMC was Capcom's new series for the Playstation 2. It was being compared to Resident Evil at the time, but featured some kind of demon sword guy with guns.

Well, thats what you get, a Half-Demon sword guy with guns... and more guns... and bigger badder guns... DMC 1 was fantastic.

DMC 2 sucked.

Then, Capcom said "WTF? How about we stop sucking?" And they did. They went back to what works, GUNS and MORE GUNS.

So here in it's glory, the opening scene in Devil May Cry 3: MORE GUNS.

P.S. More GUNS!

Next up, a scientist opens a portal to another world, but he don't got a crowbar...

Number 7 - Final Fantasy VII / Carmageddon
Number 8 - Quake 2
Number 9 - Red Alert 2
Number 10 - Nightmare Creatures 2

This is the intro movie that took made "Square Soft" (now SquareEnix) a household name. Yes,

Final Fantasy VII

Now I must confess, I've never played this game, so I'm not all "Oh my goodness Final Fantasy!" I was a Nintendo fanboy, what can I say. So when looking at this game, I had to ask my good friend Steve Tzé why it was so damned cool.

Steve told me "It was the first 3D Final Fantasy game with good character design, the story was sort of interesting and someone dies. Oh yeah the world was cool too."

Granted he told me this while in a bar in D.C. But the truth remains.

Having never played the game I must take him at his word. I will say the CGI in this intro is quite moving. Square has historically done pretty darn good games, and this is no exception.

Except... Except I never played this game. So no way in hell does it get the number seven spot by it's self.

Carmageddon

Hells yeah, now we are talking. That's right the number seven spot will be shared by both Final Fantasy 7 and Carmageddon. By the time this game came out, we'd all seen vehicular combat done right. Twisted Metal 2 was possibly the greatest game to grace the Playstation.

So along comes this other car game. This time on computer, ok I'll bite. I downloaded the demo (off of Happy Puppy.com the best demo download site in the world at that time) and gave it a shot.

This was more than a game, it was a breakthrough. So to honor it, it's intro video stands along side Final Fantasy VII.

"Those who are about to die, we salute you."

That line is all you need to know about this movie.

Next time, a video featuring pizza, bullet time and surfing.

Number 8 - Quake 2
Number 9 - Red Alert 2
Number 10 - Nightmare Creatures 2

Submitted by Listener MarkG

Torus Trooper is a speed based semi-3d vertical side scrolling racer-shooter developed by Kenta Cho, developer of rRootage of "Stump" (can't say Buck) fame, that is free for download on Mac OS X and that other operating system.
What did I like about this game? THE SPEED!! IT'S UNBELIEVABLE!!!
When you start the game up you're given a pretty simple menu with three buttons to choose from: Normal, Hard, and Extreme. Which to pick... hmmmm.... Select Extreme, hit Z to start, hold the up arrow, and hold on to your seat.

You play as a little white ship in a never-ending tubular maze as countless other white ships shoot their red polygons at you. The arrow keys control your movement, and if you're not at maximum speed the whole time, you're doing something wrong. The goal is to collect the most points possible before the time runs out. You lose 15 seconds for being shot down, and you gain 15 seconds for destroying the occasional boss. Once you collect a set amount of points you will advance to the next level, and if you should need to quit, you'll be able to start your game back at the last level you reached.

There are two mechanics in this game: DODGE and SHOOT. Dodge is the arrow keys and shoot is Z/X. Z will shoot a never-ending stream of white dots at your enemies, while X will charge a powerful blast that will engulf everything in front of you including the AI's fire. You may want to fly through the game screaming, "X!!! CUT!!! D!!! GO!!!" but this doesn't work too well. Whenever you hit X, you are slowed dramatically, slowing your point gain, and it takes about 3 seconds to charge a good-sized X shot.

The sound is not amazing, but it's pretty good. Techno beats and nice explosions will accompany you on your epileptic journey through the tube.

Did I mention this game is fast? THE SPEED!! IT'S AMAZING!!! You'll be whizzing through the levels without a clue as to what the heck is going on, getting hit by shots you didn't see coming, and blowing the AI into hyperspace particles. The D ratio is practically 1:1. Your finger will almost always be pressing Z, with the occasional break to see more clearly in some of the more exiting volleys of polygonal death.

You can't go wrong giving this game a try. It's small, its fast, and it's absolutely FREE. Don't pass this one up.

The Return of the Ring:
High D ratio
It's free
Written in the D Programming language
Runs on Mac and you know... that other one.
Induces epilepsy
and the SPEED!!!
IT'S UNBELIEVABLE!!!

The IMG Pro Accounts:
Can seem a bit cheap at times
If you're computer lags, you die

Mac OS X Download:
http://shinh.skr.jp/osxbin/
(scroll down)

Windows Download:
http://www.asahi-net.or.jp/~cs8k-cyu/windows/tt_e.html

So you've bought youself and shiny new Xbox 360, the envy of every sweaty nerd in your apartment complex. The back of the box even says it can play your old Xbox games! This truly is the next generation of gaming.

But not so fast, son; I know what you're saying. "But if I play my Xbox games on the 360, I'll have to start all over! I'll lose my 60 hours of progress in Bad Boys 2!"

Fear not fellow Will Smith and Martin Lawrence fans! Because today I'll be giving you the complete how-to on transferring Xbox gamesaves to Xbox 360. This method is 100% legit, and dose NOT involve any hardware modification, voiding of warranties, or even any technical skills. But be warned...

Transferring Xbox gamesaves to Xbox 360 is a lot of hassle, costs around $75 dollars, and will NOT WORK WITH A LARGE PORTION OF GAMES. First, let's talk about compatibility.

Part One: Compatibility

The Xbox game you wish to transfer must meet ALL of the following criteria to be trasnferred to the 360:

1. You have the hard drive for your Xbox 360 and a connection to Xbox Live.
2. The Xbox 1 game must be backwards compatible on the Xbox 360. A current list of compatible games can be found here.
3. Xbox 1 game save must be able to fit on an Xbox 1 Memory Card (8 Megs - 502 Blocks).
4. Xbox 1 game save must be "unlocked", that is, transferrable to an Xbox 1 Memory Card (some game saves do NOT allow you to trasnfer even if you have enough room).

* To find out if your Xbox 1 saves meets the last two requirements, boot up your 360 with a memory card in and test it out.

That's not to say it won't work with any games however. Of the games I wanted to transfer, Halo 1, Halo 2, Crimson Skies, and Sid Meier's Pirates worked fine. So if you've got a game that will transfer, it's time for the next step.

Part Two: Xbox 1 to PC

For this you'll need one of two parts: An Xbox Action Replay or an Xbox Transfer Kit. Both are made by Datel and do exactly the same thing, but the Action Replay costs $25 and comes with a memory card transfer cable (MCTC) and a memory card, while the Transfer Kit costs $15 and comes with an Xbox 1 MCTC and a 360 MCTC (but because Xbox 1 saves are locked to the hard drive, you won't be able to transfer via this cable). I could only find the Transfer Kit at my local Gamestop, so I picked up the memory card seperate for $10.

Once you have the required hardware and have installed the Action Replay software (included with either kit), complete the follwing steps:

1. Copy Xbox 1 save to Memory Card
2. Transfer Saves to PC Via Cable and Included Software
3. Locate the .zip file containing the save you want to transfer and extract them to a temporary directory for use later.(The location of the .zip file depends on where you installed the Action Replay software)
4. Delete the file datelinfo.xbx from any .zip files you extract.

Part Three: PC to Xbox 360

For this you'll need yet another, even more pricey ($50) part: the XSATA. This device goes between your 360 and the 360 hard drive, and allows you to mount the hard drive to a PC (perhaps even a Mac, though I never tested this), and the included software allows you to access the data on the 360 hard drive via your PC. Once everything's hooked up and installed, follow these steps:

1. Turn on your 360 and pop in the game you want to transfer. The required updated will download to your hard drive and you should now be able to play the game (without your saves that is).
2. Turn off the 360 and mount the drive to your PC using the instructions provided with the XSATA unit.
3. Navigate to the "Compatibility" folder on Partition 3 of your 360's hard drive.
4. Right click in the right hand window and choose ‘Insert folder’.
5. When prompted, browse to the location where you extracted the Xbox 1 gamesave to (in Part 2 Step 3). Click ONCE on the game folder (don’t double click or you'll open it). The save is inside the UDATA folder and called something like '4b4e0002'.
6. Click 'OK' to ‘inject’ the gamesave into your Xbox1 gamesaves folder on your Xbox 360.

Gamestop Manager: "You know Blake, this merchandise is open. I don't have to accept this"

BLAKE BUCK: "Oh I know. But you're going to"

Over the past few days I've had a couple of people send me some gaming videos from UnBoonTube. And hey, who dosen't love silly videos from the internet, right?

Our first video comes from Bruce Morrison, of Freeverse and BDPE fame. Think you've seen bad load times in a game? This footage from Sonic the Hedgehod on the 360 will rot your brain out. Sega! Thou hast forsaken me!

Next, some of you may remember the NINTENDO POWER! music we play on the show whenever someone says "nintendo power". That actually comes from a television spot Nintendo ran in the early 1990's. I'm pretty sure commercials like this is why our generation is plauged with ADD.

Our final video comes from listener Mark G (aka, Princess Peach). Entitled, "Tears of War", Peach described the video with the following: "A chubby little fellow with a squarish head finds the meaninglessness of his existence confirmed by the birthday gift of a 15 year old Warhammer 40k miniature"

Yeah, it kinda sucks, but it's Wednesday, and we're desperate for content.

Could "This Week on UnBoonTube" be a recurring feature on BDPE? Or have YouTube clip articles become as hackneyed as William Miller's wordplay? Discuss in the forums here

See this kid here? Remember his face. He is an idiot. There's a story going around, and I don't want to give it any credibility, but he's claiming that his copy of Madden contains hard core pornography.

That's why BDPE is declaring this kid the first "Idiot of the Year (2007)". Games are off to a great start. So lets take predictions, how long before Jacky Thompson is off suing EA? Any takers? Personally I say Mid Feb.

In all fairness, this is probably a DVD with a WMV burned to it, then jammed in a Madden case. The kid and his family, are just retards who rather than get the disc replaced, go reporting it to the media.

Of course it's also possible that the kid was busy playing with his John Madden Magna-doodle and his parents walked in.

Dad: What the hell is this?
Son: It was on game daddy, now pass me a tissue!

While most of the world is winding down after the holidays, TBDPE.com is heating up with some serious new power. Over the next few weeks we'll be kicking BDPE into high gear, with more regular show releases, new guests, new articles, new videos, and maybe even a few contests. A veritable cornucopia of comedy gaming content.

What's that you say - how will we do it? Simple! Through the noble, yet monetarily unsubsidized efforts of our listeners! At the moment, we really need people to help voulenteer in the following areas:

Article Writers

Send us a sample of your work, or even better, write us an article for the site from scratch (be it a review, editorial, or just something gaming related you think is funny), and we just might post it!

To apply for a writer position on BDPE, just send an email to Senior News Editor Bruce Morrison at bruce@freeverse.com

Promoters

We're looking for people to get the word out on BDPE and how awesome it is. Post us on your blog, link to us on your Facebook or Myspace, or talk about us on your favorite forum. For the extra industrious, you can even help us manage the BDPE Myspace page.

To apply for a promoter position on BDPE, just send an email to Senior Internet Man Blake Buck at buck@bestdamnpodcastever.com

Audio Editor

We're looking for someone with audio editing skills who can mix, edit, and compress our shows. Experience in the podcasting world is a plus, but not required (regardless, this person will be working close with Blake on the finer points). Just send us a resume and/or some samples of your work.

To apply for the audio editor position, just send an email to Senior Hearing Expert Blake Buck at buck@bestdamnpodcastever.com

While there's no pay for any position this time, I'm sure we could get BattleCat in the forums to assign you a custom rank. Maybe even some cool merchandise down the road as well.

So show us your power!

BDPE has been invaded by the Something Awful forums! In between calling our videos crap and telling us to kill ourselves, there have been some really great photoshops of Blake Buck's face!

So we've decided to hold a Blake Buck Face.jpg photoshop contest. The winner will be featured on next week's show!

To see the photos, view the entire thread here:

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?
threadid=2252034&perpage=40&pagenumber=1

Keep those submissions coming!

Currently the BDPE is in rehab recovering from a whirl wind NYC tour. Blake Buck could not be reached for comment as he is currently stuck in a C-17 Globe Master 3.

William Miller is passed out on my futon suffering from mass chili consumption.

And Justin Fic is actually doing just fine in the Monkey House, enjoying fine cigars and nice cognac--and shredding some Guitar Hero 2!

Expect some good pictures of the whirlwind tour soon.

RARRRRRRRR PLAYSTATION THREEEEEEEE!

If that has not enticed you to run out this very second and buy a PS3 from eBay then nothing will.

Ebay-ite jeddywg has laid it all on the line (well some of it is laying on the BlueRay drive) in his "The Best Playstation 3 Auction EVAR!.

However, if you don't buy his $2,000+ PS3 jeddwyg has issued the following ultimatum:

Please bid. If I have to list this again I'm moving the PS3 box in the photo.

In case you're wondering, none of my parts touched any of its parts.

So depending on how you swing you either need to get bidding, or just hope nobody is that desperate this Christmas.

Avast. Tonight I logged on to Xbox Live to see what's up, and low and behold, found something quite interesting on my friends list.

Click for Bigger

Now I know what's going on, but I think I'll just let everyone ponder over this, maybe do some googling and what not. The name was blurred to protect the innocent.

Mike "I hate everyone" Apps

Professional game reviewer, I’m sure it’s something most of the people reading this wish they had as a job. The problem however, with most of the professional game writers out there seems to be that they don’t care about you (gamers) anymore. What do I mean exactly? Basically, game reviewers these days have reverted to practices such as giving favorable reviews to game genres they enjoy and giving bad reviews to games from genres they dislike or have grown tired of, and they do a pore job of hiding. In short, game reviewers have made game ranking information all but worthless.

First of all, expanding the earlier point, how is it that constantly RPGs using the time tested formula that loads of gamers love get bashed on, while over-hyped, derivative shooting games get amazing ratings and no mention is made of how these games do nothing new for the genre. I’m sorry folks, but Gears of War using a chainsaw isn’t ground-breaking. This practice is enough to drive a gamer mad. You see it in most console RPG reviews, “typical console RPG”, but where the heck is the “typical shooter” tag? From the sales of big name franchises we can see that people like familiarity, and familiarity is something both of these genres do very well, new games being easy to pick up and play for fans of the franchise. However, I would contend that even the most boring RPG does more varied things than even the greatest shooter. Romancing Saga, a so-so RPG, does a lot more varied things with the RPG formula than say Halo 2 does with the shooter formula. I mean, you shoot things, possibly drive vehicles, possible have specially powers, and there may or may not be an interesting story, that about boils down all shooters. I guess you have to be named Dragon Quest or Final Fantasy to escape the meaningless “typical console RPG label” (and Dragon Quest is certainly a series that doesn’t change much). Typical isn’t bad reviewers, especially if it as a good story, and as is most important in games, is fun.

Secondly, its time to axe the graphics rating for games, completely. In an age where the graphics ability varies widely from the various consoles and portable consoles, it simply has no meaning anymore. We all know it doesn’t mean “is this game horrible to look at” and rather means “how much shadows and lighting effects does it throw at you at once”. Don’t be fooled here, I love shadow and lighting effects as much as the next person, but some of the best games out there can be some of the least graphically impressive. Take the Legend of Zelda, Twilight Princess for example. I’ve seen some reviewers bash it because its graphics are basically Gamecube quality graphics with little improvement, to which I would reply, so what? Was there something wrong with the last generation of graphics? It certain doesn’t seem like it when I’m playing Wind Waker or Resident Evil 4. So now games are suddenly bad if they show up on the next-gen with last-gen graphics? I for one would still play another Zelda game that looks like Ocarina of Time.

My point in all this ranting is that the graphics scale in games review is supposed to be about how nice and unobtrusive a games graphics are, not how technically advanced they are. Since I see now way of reviewers rating games not on how advanced the graphics are the scale needs to be axed completely. I mean, if they made games that much better, why the heck are more people enjoying the Nintendo DS then are enjoying the PSP?

Finally, game reviewers need to escape the hype machine. The majority of highly hyped games theses days end up averaging ratings in the 9 range, and a lot of them simply don’t deserve it. Gears of War? I’m sure it’s a lot of fun, but from everything I’ve heard and seen it’s simply not that amazing. Halo? Please, the Marathon games were better. Final Fantasy 8? Wooped by any other game in the series in terms of fun. The Grand Theft Auto Series? Sorry the gameplay just isn’t that deep. None of super-hyped games are usually bad, but for Christ sakes they’re not all 9’s. Too often do reviewers get caught in the hype and forget that there simply isn’t as much greatness there as thought. Frankly, the only truly amazing fun shooter I’ve played since Goldeneye is Halo 2, so some of these reviewers are lying.

Alright I think I’ve complained enough. I will admit that a lot of my gripes here are my opinions and some people may not agree with, but I think we can all agree that game reviews these days are flawed. Something has to be wrong when games with clear flaws like Gears of War and F.E.A.R. are getting reviews putting them in the range of classics like Ocarina of Time and Golden Eye. Until things improve, gamers are going to have to fend for themselves, or try and find ways of seeing through over hyped graphics happy reviewers.

Box Art, you see it with every purchase of a game. To some people, it's just a simple way to tell what game they are playing. But to many, those looking for a new world to explore Box Art can be a glimpse into what is in the game.

There are many news sites and blogs that have done funny articles on bad box art, but it does not seem people appreciate the art.

Lets take a look at Box Art design and appreciate the attention and detail in these games. Of course box art can run the gamut from high-resolution shots of the game, to wild fantasy drawings by an artist. This look at Box Art focuses mostly on the Atari/Amiga era. That's not to say there is no good Box Art. Most modern box art is quite frankly too good, or too accurate. Now that actual in game graphics are so impressive, the box art at times seems to pale in comparison. But back in the day when your character was a small collection of pixels it was up to the player to imagine the world they were exploring. The artwork on the box detailed the experience in ways the game never could.

First lets take a look at the Art of the Atari.

Asteroids is one of the more iconic games of the Atari. But look at this box. Your starship has such detail, such meaning. Those asteroids are floating worlds of rock. Ok, so maybe I elaborate, but does that look fun or what? There's so much detail in the starship. On your TV it's just a crappy triangle. But on that box, you can tell it travels worlds. Plus, that late 70s/early 80s sci-fi art is so timeless. This box sets the stage for the rest of the great Atari box art.

Here we have the Atari 7800 version of Asteroids. While a more "advanced version" you can see the artwork was changed significantly. The Asteroids themselves now look more like their in game counterpart. The starship is now shown from the top, letting you see where you sit when flying. This new image also defines the scale of the game. Previously, it had seemed your ship was a huge battle cruiser destroying threatening asteroids the size of Texas. Now it is obvious these are just big space rocks. A new addition is the image of the space aliens and their crafts. This box art has both advantages over the original Asteroids art, but it also falls short. It lacks the wonder of space and the glorious depiction of interstellar travel. But it does define the game better.

Here we are really focusing on the stylized art of the art. This is a combination of the sci-fi look with a gritty "realistic" look. This is the same style used on older movie posters. All the proportions are different as is the scale. It's not a revolutionary design, but the attention to detail on the box is something that has been lost in modern games.

Katakis (also known as Denaris) is a game I've never played. I've never even seen it in action. Honestly I know nothing about it, the Wikipedia had no entries for Katakis. However, the box art is just amazing. Its got rip-off Aliens, slime, scary skulls and a bitchen starship. There's no way in hell I wouldn't have killed a man for that game if I saw it in a store.

Ok, I'm cheating with this one, but I just love the art. Yes, this is really art from the movie poster slapped on the game. But they just don't do movie posters like that anymore. It's still an impressive looking box. Fox really had something going with the yellow bars from the logo. I'd love to see a new "MegaForce" game, one that hopefully has nothing to do with the movie.

I'll admit it. I never played Defender until it appeared on Xbox Live Arcade. I can see how revolutionary it was when it first came out. What I really like about this box is the woman on the cover. She's very specific. I also like how there seems to be some kind of death ray coming from the defender ship into her. I imagine she's about to be vaporized. Very graphic, and cool.

I can't think of a more iconic period game than Missile Command. The game visually represents the tensions and fears during the cold war so perfectly. Sure they set this in space in the future (can't you tell from that awesome missile commander’s space hat?) but everything about it screams "OMG RUSSIA DON'T NUKE US!" I also have to give bonus points for the perky breasts of the space woman.

It's amazing how good Mission Impossible looks without Tom Cruise. This game is a great combination of the Cold War and the fantastic TV series. Here you can see how feared Radiation (The Silent Killer!) was. The highlights of this box are the Angry Scientist, old school bomb and a mushroom cloud. I just wonder how the theme song sounded on a Commodore.

Ok this box sucks. But, Ninjas! Rabbits! International! It's "cool" by obscurity.

One of my earliest childhood memories of the Atari is this game. The domed spaceship with the entire city on top just stuck with me. It's a theme that's occurred in movies and games since. The art's not terribly good, it screams of airbrushing, but it's just sinister enough to make you worried, what are these aliens going to probe?

The last of the Atari games, Super Breakout is the most daring and blatant lie to consumers I've ever seen. Apparently John Glenn is the man moving the paddle in breakout. Did you know that? I sure as hell didn't. I've never seen a simple puzzle game dressed up to be so epic and yet still feature rainbows. Atari had some balls back in the day, that's for sure.

The Nintendo Entertainment System did manage to break away from the Atari styled boxes and games. They still had some great artwork, and they designed the boxes to be more functional.

Konami was still trying to do the Atari thing with this box. Fortunately the airbrushed "Life Force" logo and the swirling flame make up for their sneaky drawing.

This box is cool for a reason. It's a big rip-off. This is right from Terminator. Thankfully Terminator was a kick ass movie, thus this box is kick ass. What is interesting (and unintentional) is the forecasting this box did for the Metal Gear series. Other than using the wrong actor for Snake it's pretty much perfect.

Snake's Revenge is a good box, it's not nearly as cool as Meal Gear, but it's got its charm. Because Snake is now an artists drawing instead of a copy, he loses some of his personality. Fortunately, that's made up with Mechs, Trains, Boats and chicks.

Leaving the Nintendo, lets venture into the world of First Person shooters. In the early 90s, there was only one defining FPS.

DOOM! The style of the logo and its technology just set the stage for this box. The demons are crawling out of the depths of hell, one looking back to give the player a nice "how do you do" before ripping into our hero (check those abs!). The cover to Doom just oozed awesomeness. But this cover also pioneered a look to be imitated for years to come.

If DOOM was the king of the FPS, then Duke Nukem was the Duke (oh man I seriously just high-fived someone that was so clever). Borrowing from it's distant cousin, Duke 3D shows us the same classic, standing on top of a pile of dead guys while shooting my cool gun look. The art in Duke could be better, but it's nice. Not nearly as epic as DOOM, but a good look.

In keeping with this odd "Family" theme I suddenly have going, Prime Target represents the slightly retarded cousin. The game was pretty awesome, but as a Mac title, many people missed it. However, it might very well be my favorite box of all time. First we have guy standing on top of other guys shooting is awesome gun. But unlike Duke or Mr. Doom, our hero is ACTION LAWYER! He has a Power Tie! Amazing ripped abs and enough grey in his hair to make him wise, but enough color for him to KICK YOUR ASS! Also in the background we have a Ninja and the "I can't believe you shot me" guy slowly bleeding out in front of capitol hill.

Moving away from FPSs, we come to a box style that incorporates live actors. Here we have the nice group shot from Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego. They were very smart not to photograph her face. I can only imagine the disappointment someone must of felt when they loaded this up on their Apple IIe to find horrible pixel art.

Well, this time they did show Carmen's face. This box is a bit more exciting (even if it is missing a time traveling future motorcycle). However, you are probably the worst detective on earth if you can't catch her, she's right there JUST GRAB HER! Now that I'm older, I can't help but to think there's about to be some spy on criminal lovemaking. Miss Sandiego, are you trying to seduce me? Educational? More like Sexucational.

What’s great about the Space Quest 2 box, is the entirety is made of real images photographed. No fancy schmancy computer art here. I'd love to get one of those lawyers or better the Space Quest 2 logo. I just looks so great and corny next to the bad star field.

This is hand down the most absurd and famous box for using a live actor. The story goes, there were hundreds of games with spaceships on the cover. So they got this really old guy to come in and play the banjo and stare in wonder at the spaceship. He always looked like he was in the middle of a song when Alzheimers hit and he forgot who is son was. Apparently he was just about to die when they took this photo.

Now for the grand finale, four games from Psygnosis. These are in a class by themselves. If I could find high quality printable versions I'd have these framed. I can't do them justice in words, so here they are.

It's true, they suck...

No wait, what? According to GameSpot (from here on out we will call them something funny like LameSpot or GameSnot, or LameSnot, there we go!) Mario Bros. and Zelda for the Wii rank in at "Poor".

Look at that! Mario Bros! A Poor! What the hell has happened? For one, GameSnot has decided to review the classic games of yore with the same rating system they use for Halo. What the hell?

First lets address the positive. It is nice to see these games reviewed. There is a generation of serious gamers out there who never played the classic Mario Bros. It's nice to see them get a chance.

Now, the crap. Why would they be rating these games on a modern scale? Do these games even translate to a modern scale? Lets take the Legend of Zelda. While the game is somewhat shallow by modern standards, this game SET the standard that all games followed. They pioneered things that were just unheard of. In Zelda you could save your game, it was an action RPG, and it had a huge persistent world. Sure that can be a standard in a game today, but at the time, there was nothing like that. You can't judge a game like Mario Bros or Zelda without acknowledging its history.

I do think it's fair to rate the Virtual Console (or Xbox 360 Live Arcade Games) but you have to rate them in comparison to what you are doing. It is good to tell people what to expect before they buy it. But at the same time, rate them according to what they are. These are 20-year-old games, treat them accordingly.

Kaboom, that's the sound of Blake Buck's Turkey Fryer burning down a small suburban neighborhood.

Happy Thanksgiving from BDPE.

What are we thankful for? Why, the following list of D

Heat!

Guitar Hero 2's Co-Op and Pro Face Off Modes (P.S. Nobody understands her pain!!! ANGST!)

Small Arms! It's like Smash Brothers, only with bigger guns, and hamsters. Xbox Live Arcade is the schizzy!

Jet Blue airlines. We have to do too much travel around here. But like 30 channels of Direct TV guarantees a Law and Order SVU Marathon!

I'm a bit tired from Turkey Turkey Turkey and a case of brews. So expect more videogame goodness tomorrow when I wake from my coma.

Swarm Racer is an addicting freeware game developed by Lexaloffle Games Ltd., of "Zen Puzzle Garden" fame. You play as a swarm of bees collecting silver squares ("gems") that are cosmetically arranged on a 2D track with a pseudo-3D pink-dotted background. Why? Because thats what bees do. Swarm mechanics make this game an interesting change from ordinary racers such as MTX Mototrax, James Bond 007 Nightfire, The Lord of The--erm... However, since it only has 8 levels, there is only so much you can do with this game.
Your goal as a swarm of bees is simple: Collect all the gems on the level as fast as possible. Each level is laid out like a race track, so it's more of a race instead of a collection game. You use the arrow keys
to maneuver your squad, and the z and x keys to fly in formation and group together. While necessary in parts, using these keys will slow down your swarm
immensely, increasing your time.

The gameplay is fast-paced, and in the frenzy you will most likely leave some of your bees behind. This might seem fine for a while, but if you lose too many your
bees will start to slow down, as their friends try to catch up. If you lose enough, your view may even fly back to a chasing group of bees behind you.

Once you've run through the levels once, you'll find yourself playing each level again and again and again to get the fastest time possible. If you think your time was hot, you can submit it online to compete against other players, such as um... "toosh".

As I said earlier, the gameplay in Swarm Racer is very fast-paced... and the SPEED! It's AMAZING! ... Ok so maybe it's not that fast, but if you are looking for extreme speed, there is still hope! With a few seconds' experimentation, you should be able to find
the super-secret turbo key.

SoundparagraphGO: Cool retro music plays in the menu and the bees buzz it's cool.

The SPEED:
Moderately fast-paced
Easy to learn
Earning trophies makes your life seem meaningful
High scores
Turbo key
2D Bee Elements

The Zen Puzzle Garden:
Only 8 tracks
Compete with toosh
It doesn't really make your life meaningful

Judgement:
Extremely Entertaining

For only a few MB's, it's definitely worth a try. Great game for playing while clicking Google Ads on BDPE.com.

Free download for Mac OS X or that other thing:
http://www.lexaloffle.com/swarm.php

Hello BDPEers.

You’re going to see some changes around here. BB, Miller and JFic have appointed me as the Senior News Editor. Basically, I'll be making sure this front page is never dull. I'll also be posting the guest articles in a timely fashion. So, prepare to see more front-page heat, and rest assured that the Podcastizens will have ample time to perfect the heat.

[Article by listener Bruce Morrison of Freeverse Fame]

This season marks the launch of two consoles, each appearing right around the corner from each other. As a dedicated BDPE listener, you find yourself standing in line in the bitter cold all night long, just to snag a Playstation 3 or Wii (or both!). As the bitter artic wind chaps your lips you think back to fond memories of your family trip to Death Valley or that time your buddy bet you 20 bucks you would not eat an entire dish of Wasibi and ended up in the emergency room where the really attractive nurse saw you in your underpants.

Err… in either case, you long for something warm as the snot in your nose dries into a foot long snotcicle.

Little do you know that all of this could be avoided if you had just prepared. What am I talking about? Why, making some kick ass Chili the day before!

The Best Damn Podcast Ever’s Best Damn Chili Ever!

First we need to go shopping. So press pause and turn the TV off (don’t worry, Marvel Ultimate Alliance will be there when you get back) and head out to your local supermarket.

Here is what you will need to get:

1. One pound of raw primal ground beef. The leanness is up to you.
2. One onion, don’t cry on me Nancy!
3. One clove of garlic (to ward off Vampires, and any lady foolish to set foot into your apartment/mother’s basement).
4. 2 cans of diced tomatoes.
5. 1 can of beans that are black.
6. 1 can of beans that are red, possibly kidney shaped.
7. 1 can of beans that are neither red nor black. Possibly white or off white? Just avoid anything green, that’s just weird.

A note about Beans. Lets face it; they all taste the same if you do your Chili right. This is mostly so it looks interesting and multi colored. Go with your gut instinct on this.

1. A 6 pack of beer. This is highly important, don’t forget the beer. There will be a quiz on this, so write it down now. I prefer Mexican beer such as the Corona, but get one you will enjoy.
2. 1 bag of restaurant style nacho chips. This is important, just like the beer. Sheash, it’s on the list, just get it already.
3. 1 lime. If you enjoy lime in your Carona, get 2 limes.
4. Shredded Cheese. This is optional, but Chili with cheese is deeeeee-lish!
5. Hot Peppers, of the dried variety. Now if you like your Chili wuss or “Blake” style, then you can skip this.
6. Spices. You need some Chili Powder, Salt, Pepper, and dried Cumin. Don’t’ skimp, this is where the power of the Chili is born.

Preparation time. There are 2 ways you can go about making the Chili. You can put it in a big pot over low heat and wait forever, watch it all the time and stir like mad. Or you can exercise your brain smarts and use a Croc pot. In either case you want to:

1. Mash up the ground beef in a pan along with 1/3 of that onion, and half of the clove of garlic.
2. As this starts to sizzle, start sprinkling on some Chili Powder, Salt, Pepper and Cumin. Go light, we can always add more.
3. Once this really starts to sizzle and cook, take that beer you have and pour about 1/4, or all that is in the neck into the pan with the meat. This will keep it juicy.
4. While all this is going, open both cans of tomatoes, and all your cans of beans, drain them and dump them into your Croc pot (or lame-o-regular pot).
5. Now that the meat is done, go ahead and strain it (to remove all the oil) and then dump it into the Croc pot.
6. Stir up your newly formed Chili as it starts to heat*.

*Note: In this case, when we say “heat” we actually mean temperature and the act of cooking. D still means D.

1. Now pour the rest of your beer into this. What? You have been drinking it? Excellent! Crack open another one and add half to 3/4ths of it.
2. Now you’ll want to start seasoning, this can be tricky, add spices slowly, then mix it all up and taste the juice. Eventually it’ll taste good.
3. If you like your Chili with some heat† now is a good time to add your hot peppers.

† Again, we just mean temperature, but unlike the time before this has to do with being really spicy. Confusing I know.

1. Remember that lime you just HAD to buy? Well chop it in half, and then squeeze half of it into the chili. Really give it a good hearty mashing. Then drop the entire thing into the mix.
2. Take that bag of restaurant nachos and open it up. Take a good hearty handful and crush the ever-living hell out of them. I like to do this in a plastic bag. Your goal is to turn it into sand, or at least really small rocks. See, nacho chips have a thickening agent in them. If you were to buy this agent alone, it’d cost a lot, but in chip form it’s cheap. Plus the chips have a good amount of salt, and give the Chili an authentic Mexican flavor—Olay!
3. Once again stir. Keep tasting it; you may find it needs more kick. Just keep adding things slowly until it tastes right.
4. Wait. That’s all you do now. If this is in a pot, you have to keep checking it, making sure it does not burn, turn the heat on and off. If you were smart (and attractive) you used a Croc pot and took a nap, maybe read a good book or called Mom just to “catch up”.

That’s pretty much it. If you’re an advanced gourmet, you could splash in some Tabasco, or add some tomatillos for extra pizzazz.
On the day of the big console release, just pack this up in a thermos. All you need is a spoon or fork (or the beloved spork) and a hearty appetite. While all the other chumps are freezing their neither regions off, you will be enjoying some southwestern wonderfulness! And if you have any left over, head back out to the supermarket, pick up some hotdogs and buns and OMFG! Chili Dogs. Does life get any better than this? I doubt it.

What's that you say? A week's time has elapsed since episode 7 and there's no new show? SHOCKING. I know you all are devastated. Miller's been having Comcast troubles all week, so we haven't been able to get the show edited together.

However! We've got another show in the works and hopefully some video content coming this week, so stay tuned for futher updates. In the meantime, feel free to entertain yourself in our forums.

[Article by listener Chris Noble]

No one enjoys turning digital people/aliens/demons into gory chunks of meat more than me, the first person shooter has been my primary source of stress relief for many years. Old fashioned 3D shooters typically had around 10 weapons (sometimes with secondary fire as well) and they all kicked arse. No matter how 'basic' the weapon was you still felt like God when you had an enemy in your sights. Take Unreal Tournament for example: The weapons were all roughly equal in terms of damage (except the Redeemer), it was all down to personal preference what instrument of utter destruction you used. I even remember that back then you were defined by your choice of UT or Quake 3 Arena.

Now look. There were two first person shooters released this year for the PC*. Two. Battlefield 2142 is hardly a 'classic' FPS (nor have I had a chance to play it yet). Prey is a very shiny game, with excellent plot and atmosphere good gameplay etc. etc. I have one beef with it. The guns. None give me the feeling of pure killing godliness when I got them, even the rocket launcher. I kept feeling throughout the game "this is cool and all, but why isn't it Duke Nukem Forever?". Why?

Halo. Yes thats right, the reason we have no face melting FPS games around at the moment is the beloved Halo. Halo introduced the recovering health/shield system that every game at the moment feels obliged to use. Halo introduced the realistic (but annoying) two guns at once rule. But far worse Halo started the dumming down of the FPS. The levels all look very very similar. The guns are all weak, with the exception of the pistol, which makes no sense.

All you need to make a fun FPS is cool looking environments that don't all look the freaking same. You need guns that make your enemies quake in fear. You need a game that is long enough to give hours upon hours of pure kill frenzied enjoyment**. Don't patronize me with recharging health, just give me a weapon that turns my opponent into molten goo. Halo ruined a perfectly good genre, so I charge a games development house to make a game that restores my faith in new FPS's. Until then I'll just keep playing UT.

*Console FPS's do not count. I'm sorry analogue pads suck in comparison to a keyboard and mouse setup.

**"But the graphics in *insert game here* are so much better than your rubbish old games!". True. Does it really matter? No. Gameplay is more important than graphics any-day in my book.

[Review by listener Mike Apps]

Hey all Mike Apps, a.k.a. Auron from the forums, (that’s right not Mike Watson despite what Blake Buck keeps saying on the show, not that Mike Watson isn’t a cool dude or anything) here with some more new heat. I felt this was necessary considering many of you will remember way back to the IMG podcast, Blake Buck used to bash Dragon Quest 8 endlessly, and frankly he’s just plain wrong, and I don’t mean like “oops I misspelt this word” wrong or “oops I can’t get our writer’s name write”. Oh no, I mean like “Jack Thompsan on Bully” wrong. Dragon Quest 8 is pure RPG goodness, and without going into obscene details I’ll tell you why.

To answer a quick few questions you may have, such as, “what the hell is Dragon Quest?” Dragon Quest 8 is a console RPG with turn based battles and the story has nothing to do with the previous games in the series so you’ll have no problems starting at this one. You may be wondering where the other seven games are, and that’s probably because the series used to be called Dragon Warrior in the U.S. Many of you should remember the first game, as it was given out free to Nintendo Power subscribers. If you were never subscribers, well then what the heck is wrong with you? Anyway, TSR, makers of Dungeons had the copyright to the Dragon Quest name until recent years, so they were forced to use the Dragon Warrior name until now. Now that we have the history lesson out of the way, on to the good stuff.

Despite having a typical dark storyline involving stopping various evil doers, Dragon Quest 8 probably has the funniest monsters you’ll ever see in a RPG. The classic slimes seen in all Dragon Quest (or Dragon Warrior as previous games from the series in the U.S. were called), but from there monsters range from dancing demons, to smiling rock bombs who often as not sit there laughing at you instead of attacking. Bosses are no different, one of the funniest of which tries talking smack talk but has been hit in the head so many times he can’t talk straight. Fighting new monsters for the first time in the game is always fun because you never know what strange things the new monsters will do. One of the oddest I’ve seen is a puppeteer who “told an invigorating story” to my party and instantly raised all there attack power.

If you think these hilarious monsters are easy however, you’re dead wrong. DQ8 is the first console RPG since, well probably since DQ7 that can woop your butt. RPG these days tend to be if not necessarily easy, certainly not as hard as they were in Dragon Warrior 1-3 days. This right here is probably why Blake hated this game; he simply couldn’t take that heat. The game includes a simple upgrade system for you characters, that allows you to upgrade skill in certain weapons and learn skills related to that weapon or spells. In addition, each character has a unique skill, such as courage which gives more unique abilities (for the female in the group, it is of course Sex appeal). It’s not the best character upgrade system out there, but it’s interesting, and learning to use it well can mean the difference between kicking butt, or getting your butt handed to you by a slime and a group of dancing frogs.

To put it simply, Dragon Quest 8 is the perfect mix of old school and new school. It’s got all the old school appeal with its more open ended approach unlike many current RPGs, complete with a classic style battle system. The battles in DQ8 really feel like DQ1 battles in glorious 3D, and all the classic monsters and music make it fit perfectly in the series. However it does infuse lots of new into the series with voice acting for the first time, plenty of story and cut scenes, and beautiful 3D graphics. Previous games in the series never made any leaps and bounds in the graphics department, but DQ8 is probably one of the best looking games you’ll ever see on the PS2. Made by Level5 of Dark Cloud fame, the game uses Cell shaded graphics to bring the wonderful world to life. The world is simply a joy to explore. So if you’ve got a PS2, I highly recommend you pick it up, no matter what Blake says. BLAM.

THIS SUNDAY, OCTOBER 29th AT 4PM EASTERN (1pm Pacific, 9pm UK)

Listen to the show as it's recorded Live! In addition, you can participate in our Live! chat by joining the room "bdpelive" (no quotes) on any AOL Instant Messenger program. Finally, rumor has it that BATTLE will be making it's triumphant return - the section of the show where YOU can call in by dialing 845-BATTLE-9 on any phone, or contact our Skype name "bestdamnpodcastever" (no quotes).

Just click HERE to download the streaming file (lisen.pls), and double-click to open in iTunes (or other audio app) and listen in Live! For more information check out our liveshow page at:

http://www.bestdamnpodcastever.com/liveshow

Finally, we'll be running a Debug Show this Thursday night at 9 PM Eastern to get all the kinks out, so if anyone wants to tune in or give us a call so we can test everything out, we'd appreciate it.

[Review by listener Alexi G.]
Luminies Live! Is a newly released game on the Xbox Live Arcade (for Xbox 360), developed and published by Q Entertainment. A sequel to the popular title Lumines on the PSP (Blake Buck’s Favorite Gaming Platform), Lumines Live! is a 2D tile based puzzle game *cough* Tetris Clone *cough*.

When you launch Lumines Live! You are first presented with a character creation screen (on first run), which prompts you to create a new character. By creating a character, it means that you pick one of several strange icons to associate with your gamertag. Unlike a gamer picture however, the choices are a bizarre bunch of basic black and white characters, which look like they were designed from a collection of children’s art.

Once you chose a character, you are presented with the main menu for the game. Lumines Live! has an interesting layout of menus which involve a series of branching tabs. You can chose from ‘Single Player Game’, ‘Multiplayer Game’, ‘Leaderboards’, ‘Achievements’, ‘Help’, ‘Options’, and ‘Return to Arcade’ by either up and down on the D-pad, or by using the Left Thumbstick.

In Single Player mode, you have the choice of playing ‘Challenge Mode’, ‘VS. CPU Mode’, ‘Time Attack Mode’, ‘Puzzle Mode’, or ‘Mission Mode’. In the basic ‘Challenge Mode’ the player has to arrange squares consisting of 4 blocks of two different colours into single colour blocks of four in order for them to be eliminated by the passing wave. You gain points by eliminating blocks. The game ends when the player is unable to eliminate blocks and they pile up past the top (can you say ‘TETRIS”?). The other Single Player modes offer refreshing variations of the basic game ranging from a mode where the player fights for space on the board against an AI player (creatively named ‘VS CPU’), to the ‘Puzzle Mode’ where the player strives to create a set of bizarre shapes.

In multiplayer mode, you are presented with the option of ‘Local Battle’ or ‘Xbox Live Battle’, which provide a great way to prove your dominance over a friend.

The Graphics in the game are crisp, and look stunning with a variety of High Definition visuals that just look great! The game includes a variety of different graphical styles ingame, which shift as time goes by.

The Audio in the game is highly addictive, and changes as the graphical styles do. The only complaint I had regarding the audio was the annoying computerized voice that announced my choice with every menu selection.

Now, Lumines could have been an awesome game. Except for Microsoft’s marketing. Lumines costs a whopping 1200 Microsoft Points for the BASIC GAME! That is $15 US, or like a meal’s worth of Burger King cheeseburgers for Blake Buck! On top of that, you are required to buy add-ons ranging from 300 to 600 Microsoft Points to get features like ‘VS CPU’ mode and ‘Puzzle/Mission Mode’.

THE JUDEGEMENT:

+ Great Graphics, Audio, Menus
+ Addictive Gameplay
- A Bit TOO MUCH Like TETRIS
- 1200 Microsoft Points
- Addon Packs Required to Get Full Features

RECCOMENDATIONS: Unless you have extra cash to blow on this game, love Lumines on the PSP or must get every achievement possible (like Justin Fic), Lumines is probably not for you. Recommend that the try the DEMO first!

Alexi's Gamertag: Ghostsoft

[Article by listener Bruce Morrison, of Freeverse fame]

When the decree from on high came down this year to declare E3 dead, I got this feeling deep in my gut. It was a two fold feeling—on one hand I was sad to see the media frenzy and blitz of game news pass, but on the other I was relieved that I no longer had to plan that trip out to LA. I really hate driving in LA.

I can only imagine how happy the Digital Life expo people, aka the Ziff Davis yahoos were to hear of E3s passing. Now they could rightfully become the big awesome show.

So, Dell had a few badges held for me and a coworker to go check out the show here in NYC at the Javits Center. When we arrived at the show doors, there was a long line to get in. This is a good sign; it was also the last good sign of the venture. We quickly bypassed the long line, got our Exhibitor badges (not that we had anything to exhibit) and entered the show floor.

This is an accurate picture of what we saw:

Yeah, that’s about accurate.

Before I continue, lets get a feel for the scope and size of Digital Life vs. E3. Lets say E3 is as big as the Death Star.

With me so far? Good. So if E3 is the Death Star, then Digital life is a 1963 Airstream trailer being pulled by a stinky French guy on a bike.

(Ok, so, I wasn’t really going for that specific analogy, but I mean what a wacky photo to find on Google image search!)

So yeah, while E3 is acres of sprawling mass media awesome, Digital Life felt like I was in some dudes basement. And not a sweet basement with an old Pinball machine, but a really grimy one where you keep the Christmas decorations.

Ok, sure Digital Life had some good things. First I got to play some Guitar Hero 2! Of course, I had already played an almost final build at Harmonix a few months ago, so it was not really special. Also the HDTVs the Red Octane had were really laggy. So the rock was only at 4 (it goes to 11 after all). Then I got to watch some fat 12-year-old play a game on the Wii. That was kind of neat, in a watch-a-fat-kid-play-a-game™ kind of way. And I saw Marvel Ultimate Alliance, but it was no different than what’s on YouTube.

Now, lets talk about the lameness. First, there was nothing “New” at Digital Life. Part of the charm, the magic, the “This is worth standing around a bunch of smelly nerds” of E3 was how new everything was. You were often seeing footage for the first time. Maybe getting to play a game before everyone else you know. Knowing you were standing with the big dogs. I’ll never forget how “Internet Cool” I felt after playing Halo 2 almost 6 months before the rest of the world. That made E3 special. Digital Life had nothing new, nothing special. Hell, one of the Ubi Soft “booth babes” (I use quotes here, as she was not a babe, but she was in a booth) was loudly letting everyone know they could go home and download the new Splinter Cell demo from Xbox Live Marketplace.

Gee thanks lady, I guess I’ll get out of this line to play the game and just go home.

And I did! Yes my entire Digital Life trip took maybe an hour. I spent longer on the subway train than in the hall. I had seen everything there was to see. All I could think, when exiting was “Thank god I didn’t pay 8 bucks to get in here!”

The real shame is, there are some really good games on the horizon that could have been showstoppers. Where was a Gears of War demo? Or just a looping trailer, with a full battlefield recreated in plastic and foam? Seriously Digital Life, what gives? Damnit, now that E3 has reformed (but it’s not the same) I’ll probably have to truck back out the California.

Bruce Morrison
bruce@freeverse.com

[Review by listener Mark G.]

Black Shades is a freeware game developed by David Rosen for the U Dev Games contest in 2002. It has a geometric graphical style mixed with the good old blood and violence of games such as Kill Monty. The game features two main characters: you and the VIP. The VIP walks with a purpose (or does he?) around a block in a generic city while hundreds of faceless assassins attempt to kill him for no apparent reason. Somebody has got to stop them, and only two men are up to the challenge. Sadly, The Cougar did not make an appearance in this game, but you and your black shades are up to the challenge.

In each level, you are required to escort the VIP around the block for a set amount of time. You are armed with weapons ranging from sniper rifles to hand grenades, and these weapons are seldom at rest. You will find yourself shooting the hell out of viscous onslaughts of idiots, becoming more and more satisfied as assassins become more and more dead. Because they are incredibly stupid and slow, they attack with sheer numbers and (most likely unintentional) distraction tactics. The assassins may frustrate you at first, but, in time, you will be massacring everyone in sight, assassins and civilians alike.

The levels progress in a repeating cycle, getting slightly harder each go-round. You are given a different weapon for each level, and the assassins are armed to match you. For example, you may be looking down your scope at a few snipers across the street, while a knifer stabs the VIP out of your view. On the last level of each repetition, all the civilians turn into zombies and attempt to feast on the VIP's flesh. Unfortunately, these zombies are much faster and tougher than the typical undead. They will run at you in large numbers and, unless you literally blow their heads off, they cannot be "killed".

Black Shades is very different than most games in the FPS genre. For one thing, there is no cross-hair, and you must look down the sight of the gun as you would in real life. This may make baby Jesus cry, but it makes shooting much more enjoyable. Black shades is also unique in that you are psychic. Apparently you are a freak of nature and can not only slow down time, but enter "soul release mode" and fly through the air to scout out enemies. You can also knock the VIP out of the path of a bullet, take a bullet for him, steal your enemies' weapons, or kill them with a single punch them in the face.

The sound is not anything too special, but it is pretty cool. The gunshots can sound very airy and low quality if fired into the air, but if you hit a body, be it civilian, assassin, or VIP, the sound that emits is quite satisfying. The music must be turned on in the config file, however it seemed to be coming from a specific point inside the level, which made my brain hurt every time I turned around.

Overall, there is nothing like taking a bullet for the VIP, stealing your challenger's weapon, and blowing his head of with his own gun, only to watch him fall into a pile of dead bodies spewing blood all to the ground. Lack of story, satisfying gameplay, and maniacal shooting of blockheads makes this the ULTIMATE freeware game.

The Gangbusting:
Extremely satisfying
Never gets old
Excessive Violence
Can shoot civilians
Awesome factor

The Fizzwizzle:
Music hurts my brain
Learning curve a bit steep

Judgement:
THE HEAVY D.

Can be downloaded for free for Mac OS X, Mac OS 9, or Windows at:
http://wolfire.com/blackshades.html

When Szymon received the strange package from some sweat shop in a distant land, I thought to myself "Boy! This is going to be great!" Now, as our beloved Playstation2 lays in pieces on our dinning room table, I can't stop crying.

As I began to think about modding the Playstation2 in terms of the probability of success, I found that chances of this actually working could be expressed as the fraction one over the number of games Blake Buck has purchased but never played (that's a lot of games). Of course, we as God fearing red-blooded American men saw this ominous piece of silicon not as the most certain ruination of our beloved game console and quite possibly our deaths, but as a CHALLENGE that must be met with bravery, sweat, grunting, and raw muscular fortitude.

Our mod chip, the Matrix Infinity - an unassuming bit of circuitry, requiring 19 (GILLION) WIRES to be soldered to the main board of the system. Before you can do any soldering, you have to take the machine apart, which is a task unto itself. When we finally got to the point of attaching the device, we looked at each other and realized the neither of us actually knew how to solder. Now, we're not talking about a simple wire to piece of metal job here - we're talking about impossibly small wires on impossibly small contacts. Our solution? Drink some more beer first. Once we began to solder, we started to get the hang of it, and it was all very intense. After about an hour, we had 10 wires in place (hopefully). There are 9 left, then we get to turn the power on, and hope the machine doesn't explode and burn our house down.

Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion (or lack there of if I die in a massive explosion).

Phantom Entertainment, the butt of every game developers' cocktail party joke for the last four years, has finally started shipping its flagship product, THE PHANTOM LAPBOARD, presumably a peripheral precursor to their yet to materialize on-demand game service. Excited as I get over things like this, I clicked as fast as I could to Phantom Entertainment's web site to examine the device more closely. The more I looked at this thing, the more confused I became. The device looks like you could press waffles with it, and at $129.95, it had better make me coffee too.

Hi yo, my name is Mike Apps and I decided for my first article I’d write something that would immediately get me flamed, that’s right folks, I am here to tell you that Final Fantasy 7 is the worst game in the series. There I said it. I’ve even got plenty of heat to back it up. So let’s get started here.

First of all, the battle system in this supposed “Best RPG ever” is just plane and simple, Lame. Yes I did just use Lame with a capital L. Previous Final Fantasy games had deep battle systems where each of the main characters either had unique abilities or had the ability to be turned into one of sever very cool jobs such as black mage, white mage, etc. In Final Fantasy 7 the only thing unique about each of the characters is the weapon they use, and in the case of most of the characters some Lame limit breaks. In other words, the majority of people will play a large portion of the game with the same party of Cloud, Vincent, and Cid, some people maybe switching in Tifa (possibly just to look at her virtual boobs but I wont go there) because they have the strongest weapons. Sure at certain points you’ll be forced to use the other characters, but you’ll never really feel like using them because their weapons are just plain weaker than Cloud, Vincent, Cid and their limit breaks not nearly as powerful. The reason the whole blank slate thing worked in games like Final Fantasy V is that every character can be just as powerful as the others in terms of magic, weapons, everything, and its a lot of fun to customize them however you want them. Customizing material just isn’t the same deal because of the weapon and limit break issues. BLAM.

Second of all, Final Fantasy 7 is stealing the spotlight deserved by other Final Fantasy games. Have any of you FF7 fanboys even played Final Fantasy 6? The game features the largest cast of playable characters, each of whom are easily as developed and more entertaining than twelve clouds. You’ve got your wise cracking thief Locke, your woman loving king Edgar, and of course the Ninja Shadow who has more secrets than the U.S. Government. What have you got in Final Fantasy 7? A whiney main hero named after those floaty white things in the sky, a giant stuffed animal, and a guy with a gun on his arm. LAME. Even the annoying main hero in Final Fantasy X is much more enjoyable than Cloud. The coolest character in the game is the vampire Vincent, as we can see from his spin-off game, and he’s an optional character! For the record, according to gamerankings.com, the two highest rated Final Fantasy games of all time are Final Fantasy 6 and Final Fantasy 9, yet a large number of people have probably never played those because all we ever hear about is Cloud and oversized sword (compensating for something there Cloud?).

Finally, Final Fantasy 7 is simply over-hyped and many people’s memory of the game may be somewhat clouded. For example have you ever watched some of those shows you loved as a kid and still thought were great into your adult years? Ya, all I have to say is Thundercats blows. Final Fantasy 7 for most of us was our first foray into a cinematic 3D role-playing game. Too often we forget that the crappy character models in the game often looked misplaced in the many locals in the game. Too often we forget we forget the stupid submarine mini-game (what is this, SeaQuest?), and the often too convoluted story, and the pain in the butt Chocobo raising system whose only reword was a summon material that made the toughest bosses in the game way too easy. Did it have its moments? Sure it did, but so did X-men 3.

While poking around the internet today, I read a rather poorly written article about the excess of sequels in the gaming industry today. The article reports that Electronic Arts released 26 games in 2005, 25 of which were sequels. The article continues on to state this is due to the increase of online communities, piggybacking successful features of original titles, and the comfortable mechanics of a familiar title.

However, where I really think this article misses the mark is the role of intellectual properties in the gaming industries today. In 1987, you're average hit game was developed by a team of 15 people or so and sold around 500,000 copies. In 2007, you're average hit game is developed by hundreds of people and sells 5 million copies. And since the gaming industry has grown to such a massive business, multi-medium tie-in's and cross promotion has now plays an integral role - just like it does in all other businesses. Observe the graphic below:

Obviously, you'd buy the more familiar and tasty looking T.G.I. Friday's Buffalo Wings, rather than the buffalo wings you don't know anything about. Odds are, the Friday's Wings probably aren't even remotely like the one's you'd get at the restaurant, yet because of a strength of the Friday's name, they seem much more appealing.

The same holds true in the gaming industry. People latch on to an idea they are famliar with, usually referred to as an Intellectual Property (IP). And strong IP's are the driving force behind the majority of sales in the gaming industry: Mario, Star Wars, Solid Snake, Judge Dredd, etc. So let's examine the top 8 sellers for the entire video game industry for the month of August.

Top Software for August (by Units)

1. PS2 Madden NFL 07 - 1,012,000
2. 360 Madden NFL 07 - 569,000
3. 360 Dead Rising - 337,000
4. XBX Madden NFL 07 - 253,000
5. PS2 Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus - 200,000
6. NDS New Super Mario Bros. - 179,000
7. PS2 NCAA Football 07 - 160,000
8. PS2 Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories - 102,000

As you can see, all but one of these games is either a sequel or based upon an existing franchise. The one exception is Dead Rising on the Xbox 360, which Microsoft has been heavily advertising over the past few months to drive up it's otherwise slow software lineup for the summer.

Another great example of the stregnth of IP is the Cars game, which shot to the top of the charts upon it's release in late June. Even though gamers had never played a cars game before, the stregnth of the name and simultaneous release with the film generated far greater sales than any original game with unique gameplay.

In the end, the masses will buy what they like - which usually turns out to be the same thing over and over again. But this isn't a new development, original games have always taken a back seat to more widely-appealing commercial titles. So go ahead, buy Final Fantasy XIII-2: Dirge of Bahamut, just keep an eye out for new original games as well.

I dug up this little beauty while browsing the internet today - the Game Guardian. This thing is the ultimate in parental laziness technology, allowing parents to set a time limit on their child's PS2, after which the device shuts the console off. Brilliant! I wonder if we could create some underwear version of this technology for Blake Buck...

When the call came down for me to do a game review, I recruited my roommate Szymon to help create a new segment that addresses a genre of games that often are overlooked. That’s right, bar games. As unassuming a variety of game this might seem, one could argue it’s importance by asserting that the video game began its life next to the pool tables and dartboards of the smoky pub. Let us not forget that the original prototype of Nolan Bushnell’s PONG still resides in the bar where it proved it’s worth. Our subject today, Fantasia, meets Mr. Bushnell’s specifications in that it is “so simple that any drunk in any bar [can] play.” Oh, and it has boobies.

This game is like Etch-a-Sketch meets porno. After the player (or players) select their character from a list of celebrities including Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Michael Jackson, and Joe Pesci (as he appears in Moon Walker), the player(s) is presented with an image featuring the silhouette of a scantily clad woman in a suggestive position. You reveal parts of the silhouette by drawing enclosed shapes with your cursor. To hinder you in this task, each level has some erratically moving enemy, which interrupts your drawing and kills you if it touches your line. Once 80% or more of the silhouette is revealed, you win, and are shown the entire image, and whoever uncovered the most wins. The game has several other features, but the important thing to remember is that in a game like this, everybody wins.

Fantasia features 50 levels, each with a different girl to uncover, and has a delightful sound track which consists of moans, grunts, screams, and porno music. The game’s resolution is vertically bias to accommodate the centerfold style images, and overall, the graphics are decent.

This game was quite an experience for Szymon and I, especially considering neither of us have ever ever ever viewed any boobie dot jaypeg (see picture). We had some emulation problems, but managed to negotiate about 20 out of the 50 levels, and even getting a perfect score on two separate occations. The game requires some fine motor skills to get high scores, but is very playable with a few beers under your belt, which was certainly the case tonight.

The D:
Over 50 levels!
Easy to play!
Celebrity cameos!

The Jank:
Only white and Asian girls accounted for.
Kendric requests a male version

Miller and Marciniak give this game three thumbs up!

The month of HEAT at Freeverse for PROJECT STINGRAY (top sekrit) is now over, and I am now on the Fung Wah Bus to Boston for a day, then back to Vegas.

That's right, I am ON the Fung Wah bus, en route, harnessing the power of Hellanet and bringing the latest heat right to your face. You could say I'm "moblogging" if you're the type of person that doesn't get punched in the face enough.

The Fung Wah Bus goes from Chinatown in New York to Chinatown in Boston, for 15 bucks. Blam. That's like 30 wontons. And the kung fu exhibited so far has been amazing- there was a dude up in the front that busted out the Tiger Claw on another dude and it was all over.

Not only that, but the two dudes RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME have been having a 3-hour long sleep apnea contest. Such endurance to be so loud and annoying for three hours straight without me kicking your ass, but these competitors are great indeed. We're talking olympic snoring here.

Anyway, we're not that far out from Boston now- and I will attempt to speed run Megaman 2 before we DOCK.

FIC OUT

The X06 Show in Barcelona brought much 360-related heat to the table, in the form of Halo Wars, Guitar Hero II on 360, and another Halo/Peter Jackson collaboration separate from the movie, Halo 3, and Halo Wars. It's looking good for Microsoft.

We were also promised that a major franchise was coming to Xbox Live Arcade, and that was also sprung upon us: DOOM. And it was available for purchase THAT NIGHT.

OH MAN. I didn't even download the demo. I just shoved 800 more points into my account (that's $10 US) and bought that power outright. And let me tell you, that heat is strong.

The graphics and gameplay are faithful to the original DOOM. Yeah, the graphics are chunky, but I'm glad it stayed faithful. And the gameplay is as awesome as ever. Playing DOOM with a 360 controller is pure bliss- better than playing with a keyboard ever felt. And if you played DOOM with a mouse you were a tool. As with the original DOOM, there is no up/down looking, and the vertical aiming is still automatic. The resulting gameplay is much faster: less aim-carefully-for-that-one-placed-sniper-shot and more HOLYF***INGMOSESRUNAROUNDTHECORNERSHOTGUNBLASTTOTHEFACEGO.

And yes, there is multiplayer: both split screen and Xbox Live. You can play co-op through the levels, or Deathmatch. There are a few bugs and drawbacks here- in splitscreen, the HUD is scaled horizontally to fit the split, and looks downright odd. It also cuts off the edges of your hud, which would either be the ammo count on the left or your inventory on the right. Xbox Live games have been rather difficult to get going so far, but when they start, it's GO D ALL THE TIME. Finally, DOOM predates multiplayer maps and gametypes, so you're looking at Deathmatch only, no CTF, King of the Hill, or for your Marathon types, no Kill The Man With The Skull. In addition, you're deathmatching only on single player maps. You'll quickly find out which maps work best for good furious deathmatches, and you'll completely forget about the rest.

Honestly, if you have a 360 and you have a soul in your body you will get DOOM. You'll get D in the mouth both from nostalgia and from the constant heat gameplay that holds up well even today. There's a few bugs, but they are slight annoyances and do not detract from the awesomeness.

Everyonewitha360byDoomGO.

The D: Furious gameplay, nostalgia, feels like it was MEANT to be played on a 360 controller, and deathmatching is bliss.

The JANK: Bugs in the HUD in splitscreen, connecting to Xbox Live games can be jank, and the original Doom wasn't meant to be multiplayer.

Final Rating: 9 out of 10 plus two bonus shotgun shells to the face.

While BDPE has been lacking in content over the past week due to technical problems, fear not! Blake Buck (pictured above) and the rest of the BDPE team have a whole slew of new stuff rolling out this week. You guys better be ready.

Episode 3 of the BEST DAMN PODCAST EVER will be broadcast live today (Sunday 9-17) at 4pm Eastern time (1pm Pacific, 9pm UK). Click here to listen to live feed, or click the "Listen Live!" button over in the Liveshow section. If the show doesn't play automatically, open the downloaded "listen.pls" file in your favorite music program.

As always, listeners are encouraged to congregate in THE CHAT. Hop over to the "bdpelive" chat room on AOL Instant Messenger. If you'd like to call in for BATTLE, our Skype handle is bestdamnpodcastever, or you can call our listener line at 845-BATTLE-9!

After many days without updates and several failed attempts at recording shows, BDPE is back on track!

BDPE will be having another Liveshow this evening at 11:30 PM US Eastern Time. This week Buck, Miller, and Woman will all be recording in the same place, so you know hilarity isn't far behind.

Check out the Liveshow page for information on how to listen and participate.

The final episode of the IMG Podcast to feature the three "true" hosts (Buck, Miller, and Fic) is available for download. To check it out, just head over to the IMG Website.

Also, BEST DAMN PODCAST EVER is now on Podcast Alley! Check out that heat by going here. You can vote for you favorite podcast by visiting the link or using this handy dandy votebox!

Vote for BEST DAMN PODCAST EVER now on PodcastAlley

A new section for our live show has just been added to the site. Check that heat for our live show schedule, guests, and other information, as well as a direct link to our live show feed.

Also, we have been known to turn the feed on or use the chat room at odd times for testing purposes, or to just joke around. Check the feed and the chat often. You never know what will be there.

Oh god! Late as usual... My name is BLAKE BUCK, and I'm the third and final host of the show. I'm a gaming journalist, filmmaker, and hold the esteemed position of the most ridiculed member of the BDPE crew.

I currently work over at InsideMacGames.com as the Senior Features and Hardware Editor. In addition to my editorial job, I write reviews and features from time to time; an especially difficult task considering my co-hosts and listeners keep insisting I can't read. I also produce the occasional funny video review - a feature that will be coming to BDPE soon.

Speaking of videos, I'm a skilled video editor and filmmaker. I've worked professionally in all stages of film and video production with a wide variety of companies across the southeast. Miller and I used to even shoot films together back in high school - you can check that heat out at www.foursouth.com.

Also, I'm a hardcore videogame collector. Whenever William Miller hurts my feelings, I go and buy two or three games. A week. Minimum. OH GOD I HAVE A PROBLEM. My collection has swelled to nearly 600 catalogued games across every major system since the NES. My favorite, of course, is the Sega Dreamcast.

Finally, I also run the technical side of things for the podcast, such as the liveshow, editing, uploading, XML feeds, blah blah blah. So if you ever have any technical questions (or just want to send me more hatemail for posting a show late), email me here.

I'm looking forward to a great new show!
MySpace Facebook

Hello there! Will Miller here, known on the show by a variety of names (Wayne, What's His Face, Silent Glue, etc). I am a game developer currently working at Harmonix Music Systems on Guitar Hero II. My stint there is almost over, after which I will be heading back to school.

I started working in the gaming industry when I was 16, for a small Mac developer called Green Dragon Creations, famous for their fast paced strategy game Gridz, which won best game of the year at Macworld when it was released. I also have done some work for Freeverse Software, Gee3, and of course, HMX, as well as a countless number of side gaming projects, which in all likelihood will never materialize into anything as long as I have real work.

Currently, my interests lie not so much in game design, but specific areas of game programming, like AI and shader programming. For work, I write code for PC and consoles, but my heart will always be with Apple. Whenever Blake Buck hurts my feelings, I go write some Objective-C for an hour to feel better. I also like drawing, reading, judo, and designing web sites (you're looking at my work now).

When I started making games, for the most part I stopped playing them. In fact, I can trace that all the way back to my Green Dragon days when we were porting Microsoft's Links 2002 Championship Edition, and I spent so many hours testing it that Sergio Garcia's poorly animated visage was permanently burned into my retinas. I can still see that Arnold Palmer Course Designer crashing my computer when I go to sleep. As such, I contribute to the podcast as a developer of games more than a player of games, though on occasion, I can bring serious heat in Stump Buck.

I'm looking forward to a great show, and remember:
"You can get hot dogs for like, nothin'.

Ok, so I'm up first with this heat. My name is Justin Ficarrotta, or "Justin Fic" on the show. I'm an Indie Game Developer, award-winning game designer, and at 25 years, the old fogey of the show. My game Kill Monty is published by Freeverse Software, and is a classic gem of Mac Gaming Goodness. All my games tend to be a little sick and twisted.

I also briefly worked for Petroglyph Games in Las Vegas, on Star Wars: Empire at War. It quickly became obvious that working as a cog in someone else's machine wasn't the life for me. I yearned for the freedom of expression and creativity much more than the steady paycheck and cushy industry job. Besides, RTS games suck ass.

More recently, I've embraced both Flash gaming (for its ease of development and focus on simple, addictive games) and the Unity 3D game engine, which rocks my face. Flash allows me to crank out simple games in ridiculously short periods of time, and Unity allows me to tackle much bigger projects just as easily. Unity handles all the fancy 3D eye-candy effortlessly, and allows me to focus my attention on the gameplay. I am using Unity to create a game with the other podcast hosts, and you will all be hearing more about that very soon! Finally, I am currently building a website that will host all my original web-based and downloadable games.

As for my gaming tastes, I like just about anything, but I'll always have a soft spot for fast action games. Give me a good Contra or Gradius game and I'm a happy guy. Rhythm games are another weakness: DDR and Guitar Hero in particular. (Blake Buck talks the talk when it comes to Bemani but we all know that I'm the true master!) You can also find me at the tables over at Full Tilt Poker.

I also tend to be somewhat of a cynical, sadistic S.O.B. and every now and then I'll let something slip on the show about shooting bunnies with rocket launchers or drop-kicking children into traffic. The games I make are similarly deranged, but as long as it doesn't bother my parole officer, I'm fine with that. Between that and the righteous indignation, reporting on the latest gaming news suddenly becomes a good bit more interesting!

See you all on the podcast!

We bid a tearful (well, maybe not) farewell to our old show, the Inside Mac Games podcast after a great recording with Tuncer Deniz, founder of the Inside Mac Games network. Mr. Deniz will continue the IMG podcast along with Andy Largent, an IMG journalist. Mr. Deniz was quoted as saying (much to the chagrin of the live listeners) that the show would be scaled back to thirty minutes as opposed to the hour and a half norm.

Other highlights from the show include a great BATTLE (the last ever on the IMG podcast), WWDC Apple Developer Awards rant, opinions on Apple's upcoming operating system update Leopard, and the latest mac gaming news. Check it out at Inside Mac Games.