In an effort to continuously refine our heat until it's a glimmering pirate chest full of gold, we want to try something new for episode 30.

We did some talking about the show tonight and how we think it could be improved. Some want shorter shows, some want longer shows, some want less news, some want more BATTLE, etc.

So we decided as an experiment, episode 30 is going to be almost completely user-driven. Want us to do news? Post that heat in this thread. Got a topic you want us to discuss? List it in the forums. Got any genius BATTLE ideas? Judgments you want us to do? Janks? Feedback? New segment ideas? You know where it goes.

Not only that, we're going to be streaming the show LIVE! for all of you to listen in.

THE SHOW WILL BE THIS SUNDAY, OCTOBER 30th AT 8PM EASTERN (5pm Pacific, 1am UK)

Listen to the show as it's recorded Live! In addition, you can participate in our Live! chat by joining the room "bdpelive" (no quotes) on any AOL Instant Messenger program. Also, if you've got something to say, you can call in by dialing 845-BATTLE-9 on any phone, or contact our Skype name "bestdamnpodcastever" (no quotes).

Head over to bestdamnpodcastever.com/liveshow and click the "LISTEN LIVE!" button on the right to download the streaming file (lisen.pls), and double-click to open in iTunes (or other audio app) and listen in Live!

Let us know what you think, and get your heat in ASAP.

By Staff Writer Matt K.

NAME: Mario (surname unknown; allegedly Mario)

KNOWN ALIASES: Super Mario, Dr. Mario, Jumpman, Big Poppa ‘Shroom

AGE: 26 (real world)

LOCATION: Brooklyn, New York (birth), Mushroom Kingdom (current)

EVIDENCE: Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong Jr., Mario Bros., Super Mario Series, Dr. Mario, Mario Kart series, Mario Party series.

PROFILE: Long time mascot of Nintendo, suspect’s primary claim to fame is the protagonist of several adventure games involving the rescue of a kidnapped princess from a rival monarch, despite primary occupation being a plumber. Suspect has many guises, all of which have nothing to do with plumbing. Is often accompanied by lesser known brother, Luigi. Suspect revealed he was kidnapped as an infant, which may explain deviant behavior.

CRIMES/DEVIANT BEHAVIOR
Drug Usage – Suspect has been known to consume various controlled substances, believing such give him “super powers.” Per suspect’s testimony, such substances include a mushroom allow him to grow larger (suspected Viagra abuse), a flower of unknown species which allows him to control flames (suspected opium abuse) , a star which gives him a sense of invincibility (suspected cocaine/heroin combination abuse), and different type of mushroom giving him “another life” (substance abuse unknown). Current intelligence shows suspect plans on infiltrating the 2008 Summer Olympics and will most likely consume steroids, speed, and PCP to compete with stronger, faster, and more resilient competitors.

Possession of Controlled Substance with Intent to Distribute – Suspect has been reported to hold various themed “parties” with intent of distributed previously listed controlled substances are distributed amongst the “players” for imbibing. Players then attack each other with intent to achieve various specified goals. So far, only eight of these parties have been confirmed (another party suspected to be “on the go”).

Driving Under the Influence – Suspect has competed in various racing competitions while under the influence of various controlled substances.

Animal Cruelty – Suspect has committed various acts of cruelty towards animals of various species. Acts of cruelty range from imprisonment, submission, and execution, all done without remorse. Methods include crushing underfoot, incineration, munitions, and battery with various objects, including bodies of other victims.

Practicing Medicine without A License – Outside of usage of controlled substance chronicled above, suspect has posed as a medical doctor, prescribing medicine to people with various ailments. Medical professionals have advised that suspect prescribes such a high amount of medicine, many of which do not combat the viruses, that anyone taking the prescription would expire from overdose.

Falsifying Identity – Suspect’s listed profession is plumber, yet despite an affluence of sewer and pipe work, suspect has shown no plumbing work experience. Suspect has also posed as various professions, among which include doctor, archaeologist, animal hunter, boxing official, tennis referee, professional golfer, dancer, typing teacher, artist, and construction worker.

Property Damage – Suspect has used unorthodox methods, primarily jumping and punching, to destroy various brick structures, many under construction and incomplete.

Conspiracy to Commit Kidnapping – Although not convicted, it has recently come to light that suspect may conspire with known criminal Bowser Koopa in various kidnappings, all of which have been the same victim, Princess Peach Toadstool. Suspect then “rescues” victim in an attempt to garner fame and fortune. Investigation currently underway.

CURRENT ACTIVITY: Suspect is currently organizing an underground fighting tournament known as “Smash Bros.” Suspect should be considered armed and incredibly dangerous. Avoid if around open flame, while riding a green dragon-like creature, or is at a higher level.

HALO 3! HALO 3! HALO 3! HALO 3! Oh, sorry. Microsoft PR has gotten to us. Also this week, Mac gaming sucks a little less, Iwata > Gates, FASA Studio = OVUR, and playing WOW until you DIE.

Judgment: Gametap
Jank: 360 Wireless Controller Adapter for PC
Quote: "Thumbs up on that woman, by the way"

If you have any feedback, you can shoot us an email here, call our voicemail at 845-BATTLE-9, or leave your thoughts in our forums here.

VOTE FOR US AT PODCAST ALLEY! DBZ GOKU!

Submitted by listener Matt K.

With all the controversy over games such as Manhunt 2, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, and various other M rated games, I would like to propose a concept for a game that is absolutely critic proof. This game will have large amounts of violent, sexual, and other objectionable content and will be marketed to everyone. While developing this game would be most advantageous to Rockstar/Take Two, I send this concept out to anyone for consideration.

Now first, I must confess that this is not my original creation as I’m adapting the concept from another source (but don’t worry, the copyright has long expired). The game would span years, decades, even centuries and millenniums and will have a large cast of playable characters. Each character will have various strength and weaknesses, but unlike most games, with the exception of two playable characters, you will only get one life per character to complete each story/mission. Difficulty is so high you will surely have to rely on the God Mode to complete the game. Gameplay will be a sandbox of various types, including Action-Adventure with RPG-like character status assigning and changing, Real-Time War Strategy, Stealth, Life and City Simulation, and even animal-raising, with random mini-games thrown in, however, don’t think you’ll be able to do whatever you want as each story is decidedly linear.

Violence: Up front, there is a lot of violence of various types. There are one-on-one battles, one-against-many battles, and battles between nations. There are some missions where you will have to decimate entire towns, including women and children. The various ways of death include, but are not limited to, stabbing, strangulation, burning, throwing into pits, torture, and even supernatural deaths. Some may say that the violence is over the top, but I guarantee you it is staying true to the source material.

Sexual content: Like any other game, this is where most of the hate for the game will most likely come up, but once again, I would like to remind readers and any potential protesters that all of this is being truthful to the source material. There is a good bit of nudity, especially at the beginning, and several scantily-clad characters appear throughout. Actual sexual intercourse occurs on-screen including consensual sex, non-consensual sex, incest, sex with minors, and sex between same-genders. Various dialogues describing various acts of sex will also be present.

Other objectionable content will include consumption of alcoholic beverages (including a mini-game where your character produces wine) and profanity (though not necessarily the same words we are used to, the intent will be the same). Religious overtones will permeate throughout the game. Also, the actions of the various characters can be interpreted differently by various people per their beliefs. Children will most likely want to emulate the above content after prolonged, unsupervised (or even supervised) game play.

With all that said, I feel that the usual game deriders will be hard pressed to bring objections to this game, because objecting to the game will mean objecting to the source material. Also, while the above description would normally rank an M or even an AO in any other game, this game deserves an E because the source material is marketed, even encouraged to be used by children of all ages. The name of this game?

“The Holy Bible”! BLAM!

This week BDPE is broadcasting to you from Firaxis Games in Maryland, and we sit down with Ryan Meier, of Sid Meier fame, for a chat. We also help a listener cure cancer at asphaltdream.com

Also this week, Virginia Tech shooter inspired by the downfall of Sega, Sony's pricedrop evaporates, and UNCUT Manhunt 2 headed to the Netherlands, like seriously, it's not a marketing ploy.

Judgment: Pinball FX (XBLA)
Jank: Expired XBLA Jank
Quote: "Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

If you have any feedback, you can shoot us an email here, call our voicemail at 845-BATTLE-9, or leave your thoughts in our forums here.

VOTE FOR US AT PODCAST ALLEY! DBZ GOKU!

Hi, Kalex Gerstmann here, writing for the BDPE news site. Like the title says I’ll be writing about bad stuff in games. And no I don’t mean Best Damn Boobie.jpg, this will more touch on the mechanics and making of the game.

I’ve been thinking about writing this article for a long time, and a lot of this is completely improvised while I write this, so bear with me. This article is about the bad stuff in video games that get on my nerves--including gameplay developers put in games that make no sense at all, and will sometimes make players shelve the game with no compulsion to play through it or pick it up again. It will also talk about character and story development, along with some other stuff. I think that this is becoming more of a problem since good games are becoming few and far between. You might say “What are you talking about?” Well here is what I’m talking about.

For this Article I’ve split games into three or four types. First there is the Good Games, games that you keep you interested to play through, beat, and replay the game for whatever reasons. Then there are the Average Games, games that you will pick up play through a good portion of, or beat the game if it’s good enough and if it’s on the higher spectrum of average you might fool around with it a little bit after but then that’s it, it goes into the lonely Archives of your game library. Then the Bad Games these are the games that are the ones that you might stagger through half of hoping it’ll get better through some twist, and then when it doesn’t it goes in the trash or collects dust on your shelf. Then there are the Abominations. These are types of games that should never see the light of day but did anyway, games like Action 52, Big Rigs: Over the road Racing, and E.T. We won’t focus much on these games because they’re not important and if you do focus on them you’ll go blind.

The problem is that there aren’t enough Good Games coming out lately. There is Bioshock and Strangehold might be good, the rest are Average or Bad. Luckily Abominations are few and far between thank god, and we haven’t had any of them lately, I don’t think. Okay so first, why so few Good games? Well let’s first look at an Average game that has come out, Stuntman: Ignition. While it is fun to drive around and blow stuff up by hitting the action button when you’re supposed to, the game is mostly about trial and error, and luck, also you’re expected to know how to play the game without them fully explaining it to you. So that can turn people off who are new to the game. I remember first trying out the demo of it, and because the tutorial explained virtually nothing I had figure everything out myself. So you need to explain stuff beforehand to new players. Another big thing is atmosphere, this is a part the Bioshock really nailed. Feeling like it’s you who is looking into this world can make for a great game, but really not a lot of games get that, they say in pre-release while hyping it “oh you’ll feel like you really are mowing down aliens with ease” but usually you don’t, you’re usually just feeling like you just need to play for a few more hours so you can beat that game and get that last few achievements. And then there is story, you can’t just put in a five minute effort story set in a Fantasy or Space Marines vs. Aliens universe that’s been done a thousand times before and expect it to be an engrossing story. So that’s what makes up a deep game, now let’s look at shallow games. Stranglehold is a good example. What makes a shallow game fun? Explosions, guns, and dozens of enemy getting gunned down, by you the hero. What makes a good shallow games is giving the player everything quickly, all the guns, abilities, and a lot of enemy’s to test these out on, and above all, making it all look cool so the player feels awesome while he splits his hundredth enemy’s face open.

But here is the really important aspect of both types of games. You need to be smart about making stuff that’s fun. There are some things that developers put in as a puzzle or a twist that makes you want to smash your head on the desk until the pain goes away. I remember playing Overlord and at one point you have to make your way through the sewers under a city in the game infested with zombie. (by the way, all RPGs have to have sewers infested with undead somewhere) and all you have is blue minions, which are good for support because they can resurrect the more fighting types of minions, but they are all you have and they suck and fighting. Soon though you come across a brown minion gate, and since these guys are your main fighters then you think your saved, right? Wrong, the gate is submerged in water so if you try to summon a minion they drown. So what you have to do is have your blue minions camp out by the gate, since they’re the only ones who can swim, and when a brown minion dies they have to grab him and rush him back to land and bring him back, and you have to do this in order summon any brown minions at this spot. It’s tedious and it takes a while. So instead of simply summoning them on dry land you have to do all that. This is one of those moments when you ask yourself “Why is this fun!?!” What’s so great about having to find your way around some stupid block that to use a simple game mechanic that you’ve been able to use easily up until now?! And because of stuff like that I ended up shelving Overlord until recently when I finely decided to give it another go.

Thank you for listening to my ranting, and please read my next article that will touch on characters, story, and more.

Listener Jordan B. sent us an awesome photo of himself and everyone's favorite eight patty delight, the OCTOMAC.

Got any Octomac sightings photos yourself? Send em' in here and you might be on BDPE next time.

Submitted by listener Matt K.

The video game industry is like no other industry out there.

Where else do you get people who play and practice day after day at something that is ultimately inconsequential with the hopes that one day their talent will be recognized and sponsored in tournaments to prove that they are the best around, thereby earning money, fame, and respect of people who aren’t quite as good? Oh wait, that’s the Sports Industry!

Well, where else do you get people who worship something that they feel “changes their life,” and will tell to all who care to listen of the greatness of it and will flame and demonize anyone else who believes otherwise? Oh wait, that’s Religion!

Still, where else can you find a product that features characters and enemies of outlandish proportions, yet have much humanity, and chronicles their many adventures that can be bought on a regular basis, and the industry itself is often demonized by egotistical, opportunistic jerks posing as men of renown who think we should all do as they say and think these products are only for kids and should not be made? Oh wait, that’s the Comic Book Industry!

Alright then, where else can you find products that are hailed as great upon their initial release, only to be soon forgotten when sequels or similar items come out, only for those knock-offs to be forgotten and the originals be touted as groundbreaking long after their availability is gone and you have to basically spend money on something you’ve already bought before? Oh wait, that’s the Movie Industry!

Fine, last time, what other industry provides you with something that looks great, allows you to be by yourself and play with yourself for hours and go online to find a large market of people who like to do the exact same thing? Oh wait, that’s the Porn Industry!

Oh well, at least no other industry has something like Best Damn Podcast Ever, a show that features three charismatic yet socially stunted men whose lexicon has entered the public conscious and are considered the end all be all for all things humorous and are shunned by their peers. Unless you count Howard Stern.

Gaming journalism blows. And nothing more clearly illustrates this than game reviews. So BDPE has decided it's about time we FIXED them.

Also this week, we've got another Battle victim, OMG 360 HAX, medical researchers wasting real money on virtual studies, and Uwe Boll > Penny Arcade Expo.

Judgment: Space Giraffe (XBLA)
Jank: Space Giraffe (XBLA)
Quote: "The pants go down and the butter comes out"

If you have any feedback, you can shoot us an email here, call our voicemail at 845-BATTLE-9, or leave your thoughts in our forums here.

VOTE FOR US AT PODCAST ALLEY! DBZ GOKU!